ABC is so excited about Bachelor in Paradise they’ve released this trailer, via the fine journalists at People magazine who are always available to assist a broadcast network with their promotional duties, to remind us that the best show of the summer was almost ruined! By an investigation into possible sexual assault! BOOOO.
Howdarethey even threaten to interrupt Bachelor Nation’s mindless fun!
But now that the investigation is over, it’s time to turn clear those dark clouds—questions of consent; discussions about the ethics of plying people with alcohol; what the difference is between a reality show and a porn shoot; et cetera. The trailer helpfully condenses all of those into literal dark clouds, accented by lightning, which we all know actually kills people, just like asking questions sometimes does.
So get ready for fun! Yaaay!
Nice work, everyone! Just don’t forget that, while the investigation revealed nothing was wrong, you should stick to that two-drinks-per-hour maximum rule you enacted as you celebrate this victory so you don’t risk another summer being ruined for your fans.