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Read the police report about Sig Hansen’s arrest. Seriously, read it.

Read the police report about Sig Hansen’s arrest. Seriously, read it.
Deadliest Catch's Sig Hansen (Photo by Discovery)

Deadliest Catcstar Sig Hansen was arrested early this morning for assaulting an Uber driver and damaging the driver’s car.

According to police, Hansen and family members called the car and then cancelled the ride after getting inside; the driver asked them to re-request the ride, and his passengers offered $100 in cash instead, which he refused because it violates Uber policy.

Sig apologized on Facebook:

“Regarding the altercation last night, I am terribly sorry for my behavior and am very embarrassed by it. I owe a bunch of people apologies, first and foremost to our Uber driver, who was just trying to get us home safely. I hope I can make that apology in person. I have no excuse, and accept responsibility for my actions. I made a boneheaded move last night, and I am sorry.”

The Seattle Police Department released the full police report [PDF] because of “significant media interest in the incident,” and that is definitely to our benefit.

Here are some of its gems:

  • “Everyone in the vehicle was wearing suits.”
  • “The oldest male in the group, who [redacted] believed was the father, kicked the outside of the rear of the passenger side of the vehicle, causing a dent.”
  • “The same man who kicked the car also spat on [redacted]’s head and the back of the drivers’ seat white sitting behind [redacted]. The spit did land on [redacted]. The young man with the father also spat on [redacted].
  • “I observed several droplets of apparently fresh-looking saliva on the back of the driver’s headrest.”
  • “The driver wiped what appeared to be fluid off the right side of his head as we spoke.”

Here’s what happened when police arrived at Hansen’s house:

  • “He was obviously intoxicated.”
  • “He vociferously declared that he did not know what I was talking about”
  • “I asked Hansen if he had spit on the driver. Hansen asked if it would be in his best interest to answer that.”
  • “I told Hansen I was not a lawyer. Hansen stated the driver must have been stupid for not taking the $100. Hansen stated he thought he kicked the vehicle’s tire. After I told him there was a dent, Hansen stated, ‘Of course I’ll pay for it!'”
  • “I asked if there had been another confrontation with an Uber driver in a Toyota Avalon. He said, ‘Nope! So, no is no! That means werre done!’ He clapped his hands conclusively. I explained that we were not done, and to come with me.”

The best line though was something Sig said, according to the report:

  • “…an Uber guy, his name is [redacted], he took me home, we’re here, we had Norwegian Independence Day, everybody’s happy, [redacted] got my family home, we’re safe and sound, that’s it!”

And this was Sig’s Norwegian Independence Day gift to the world. Read the rest of the police report.

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  • Andy Dehnart is the creator of reality blurred and a writer and teacher who obsessively and critically covers reality TV and unscripted entertainment, focusing on how it’s made and what it means.

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