Someone claiming to be an anonymous New York-based “reality show producer looking for an assistant” has posted an ad for the position that mostly focuses on the producer’s pitch for a new reality TV series: the “Real Superman Show.”
I’m honestly not sure if these 5,488 words are satire, epic performance art, or something that should just be ignored. If it’s one of the former two, I honestly cannot figure out what it’s satirizing (fan culture? comic book universe franchises? reality show pitches? the insane demands on assistants?) or if something this badly written can constitute art. But it’s worth a skim, at least.
The ad is posted on Craigslist, of course, and spends most of its time explaining the series, which casts real-life people as comic book characters in a reality show they have not consented to appear in. Here is an excerpt:
“The basic premise of this show is that Clark Kent/Superman and all the characters in the DC Universe are all fictional portrayals of actual real people in our world and I believe that by determining who they are in reality it is possible to create a Superman Reality Show that is basically like a reality show version of the DC Universe in many ways.
Like for example, I believe that the real Lex Luthor is Rupert Murdoch while the real LexCorps is News Corps and so in the show Rupert Murdoch is just Lex Luthor and News Corps is LexCorps.
And then like the real Lois Lane is Ashley Arenson while the real Lana Lang is Gillian Zinser from Beverly Hills 90210, while the real Bruce Wayne is Kanye West, the real Vicki Vale is Kim Kardashian, and the real Alfred Pennyworth is actually Kris Jenner because sometimes in fictional comics a woman may be portrayed as a man so while Bruce Wayne is a white billionaire and Alfred is his butler in the comic, in the real life DC Universe Bruce Wayne is Kanye West, a black superstar rapper, and Alfred is actually his mother-in-law Kris Jenner.”
If you’re asking yourself why anyone would participate, the writer is not concerned about that:
“Rupert Murdoch is not a guy that you can call him up and ask him if he wants to be in a reality show, you just have to figure out that he’s the real Lex Luthor and that News Corps is LexCorps and figure out who Superman is and then just do the show as a Real Superman Reality Show and this will cause Rupert Murdoch to appear in the show as the real Lex Luthor, like I believe Rupert will actually show up and be a main figure in the show but we can’t worry about getting his confirmation in a real way before the show is already being made.”
This is all impossible to take seriously, of course, but if the above hasn’t lost you already, try to make it through this sentence:
“I am the real life Harry Potter and it was kind of crazy because when I figured it out my family had already known for a while but I didn’t figure this out until some time after a lot of other people in my life already knew it”
“I also need someone who can just get that I’m actually just the real Harry Potter and I mean I have the lightning scar and can show you who the real characters are such as Severus Snape who’s my old dorm head Townley Chisholm from Phillips Exeter and the reason I am able to do this and figure this all out is actually because I just am the real Harry Potter and this is a special ability that only the real Harry Potter has.
Creating the real Superman reality show is kind of a special ability that the real Harry Potter has, no one else would really be able to do this besides the real Harry Potter and it’s sort of been established amongst people in the know that I am the real Harry Potter because all the signs are there so it’s not something anyone else is going to be able to imitate or copy.”
Yet the producer/writer/character insists that this long, rambling, “overwhelming and insane” post for an assistant–who’d be in charge of “finding and acquiring backers and funding for the production”–is a normal part of their process:
“This job ad is just me writing a rough job ad quickly in the way that I operate, it’s meant that to know if you’re right for this job you would have to be someone who can read this job ad and be like, ‘Oh cool, this sounds like a really fun cool project,’ and not feel like, ‘OH MY GOD, this is the most overwhelming and insane thing ever!'”