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Top Chef Restaurant Wars: Padma can’t get a table, Keriann goes missing

Top Chef Boston is down to eight contestants, and the chefs knew instantly what that meant: Restaurant Wars. It’s a fan favorite because it tests the chefs in all kinds of ways, sometimes unfairly (the person in the front of the house usually gets screwed). As a bonus, this time it showed us what happens when Padma Lakshmi isn’t recognized at a restaurant. 

Next season on Serial: Where was Keriann?
Keriann took on the front of the house, and from the very start, the editing suggested it wasn’t going well. The real mystery, however, is where she was the whole time. The judges didn’t see her in the dining room; the chefs didn’t see her in the kitchen. There are more mysteries, too: When Katie decided to change Keriann’s dessert, she didn’t ask Keriann; when Keriann noticed her dessert was screwed up she didn’t ask the chefs about it. What was she doing the whole time? Besides preparing to be sent home, I mean, which was a long time coming.

Where was new judge Richard Blais?
A question no one asked.

The best restaurant name in Restaurant Wars history
4 Pigs, Melissa, Doug, Mei, and Adam’s restaurant.

Number of times Katsuji mocked Doug’s height
2, including calling him “little thing”

Number of other times Katsuji was a dick
Countless, and not just because he said things like, “I only care about myself, because at the end of the day, this is a cooking competition.” Mostly, he decided to dismiss all responsibility. “I’m not the chef, I’m just a cook!” he said, as if that erased all responsibility. When challenged about the way he mangled Keriann’s dish, he said over and over again, “it wasn’t my decision.” Next week, Katsuji pees all over the floor and announces, “It wasn’t my decision! That was my bladder!”

Proof that Adam is a little obsessive
Adam’s teammates were worried about how controlling and obsessive he can get, but it seemed to fit him well in the front of the house, where he excelled. He told the wait staff that it would take exactly 27 seconds to walk from the kitchen to the dining room. He also washed clam shells in the dishwasher three times.

Proof that Adam is not obsessive
Before service, he said, “I need”–at this point he licked two fingers on one hand, spread them apart, and dragged them across his eyebrows–“to get suaved up for the dining rooom.” Also, his idea of “suaved up” apparently involved a visit to the Zac Posen House of Hair Oil.

One of the best moments in the history of Top Chef
When the judges arrived at 4 Pigs, one of the waiters, bless his heart, said, “Can I have your last name?” Like, he legitimately didn’t know they were the show’s judges! “I promise you have a resevation here,” she said, staying cool instead of hitting him with a pig while saying Don’t you know who I am?! Still, to make sure we know that she’s a special snowflake thanks to how recognizable she is by everyone except that one waiter, Padma said, “That’s the first time I’ve had to fight for a table in a long time.”

Padma vs. Gail
Padma: “So salty!” Gail: “Mine wasn’t that salty.” Padma: “Oh my god.”

Next week on Top Chef
The judges go shopping and Padma spills fish all over the ground. I can’t wait.

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  • Andy Dehnart is the creator of reality blurred and a writer and teacher who obsessively and critically covers reality TV and unscripted entertainment, focusing on how it’s made and what it means. Learn more about Andy.

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