On The Celebrity Apprentice‘s epic three-hour episode last night, the first task was for the cast to create “a great New York celebrity guidebook,” as Donald Trump described it. The guidebooks were judged by Regis Philbin, and featured product placement from Toshiba, and the quality of the photos in it doesn’t make for a very good advertisement for the tablet the celebrities used to photograph each other.
The word “great” doesn’t really apply to the men’s actual guidebook, which you can view in its entirety below. The guidebook was shared by reality blurred reader Julie Murphy, who paid $20 for it near the Flatiron Building in New York the morning of Nov. 7.
It’s titled “All of New York City Seen by Six Friends…From the Top of ‘The Tower'”, and yes, it does seem like it was put together by fourth-grade friends, although in fairness, fourth graders could probably do a better job of designing and writing a guidebook to New York City. It’s four double-sided pieces of glossy paper stapled together in the middle with bad photography and bad writing. Penn Jillette suggested the concept; Clay Aiken didn’t like it because every picture was similar (“I don’t know if it’s entire head but at least Dee’s forehead is up his ass,” Clay said of the project manager).
The point was for each person to introduce a part of the city that’s important to them: Penn Jillette (Harlem), Lou Ferrigno (Central Park), Dee Snider (5th Avenue), Paul Teutul Sr. (East Side), Clay Aiken (Upper West Side), and Arsenio Hall (Theater District). Unsurprisingly, they’re not great writers and/or the time crunch helped them produce gems like this, from Clay’s page: “The Upper West Side is the part of the town that has it all.” Paul Teutul’s page is a part amusing, part offensive rant about the East Side and all of New York City, including its mayor (“Don’t get me started on New York City’s mayor in Gracie Mansion”) and the United Nations (“what the f*** good do they do?”), and also his odd comments about Clay Aiken (“Guys like f***ing Clay live in Sutton Place when he was on Broadway in Spamalot. I don’t like f***ing musicals, so I didn’t see it.”)
Of course, since this was a fundraising task, quality didn’t matter; Lisa Lampanelli pointed that out, though on screen, the women’s book looked a lot better. Regis Philbin said he was “truly impressed” by the men’s, but selected the women’s to get $35,000.
Here’s the men’s guidebook; use the plus and minus icons to zoom in on its awesomeness.