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Survivor tribe switch sends idiots to new world to die

After four episodes, Survivor One World is no more, as the tribes were both split up randomly, and the reward challenge losers went to a brand new beach. It’s somewhat of a letdown that the two tribes, one beach thing had so little time to develop something interesting, though I understand why producers sent one tribe away: it forced them to act as a new tribe instead of giving opportunities for former alliances to stay intact.

The random switch really did benefit the tribe that stayed at the old beach; most of the women’s five-person alliance was part of it, while the other tribe had Tarzan in his absurdly tiny briefs tripping over logs and people who captured a chicken and stood around its cage celebrating–while the chicken ran out the back of the cage into the woods. Meanwhile, the tribe of models got crabs to eat with their chicken and admire each others’ shaved, muscled bodies.

Colton was not happy with the switch, pointing out that the other team had “all the muscle” making it “Greek gods versus peasants,” which was a great way to endear his new tribe to him. He also said, “I don’t want to be on a tribe with people who suck.” That’s too bad, buddy, because if you’re on it, by definition, that tribe has people who suck.

A mostly physical immunity challenge, a repeat of one we first saw in Tocantins, left the model tribe essentially throwing the other tribe around in the water, and although the ugly tribe put up a good fight a couple times, they lost easily.

Like the challenge, Tribal Council was sort of inevitable–Moron Tribe seemed dead-set on getting rid of Monica, even though she represented perhaps their best chance in physical challenges–but it was still ridiculously entertaining thanks to Tarzan’s vocabulary lesson. This is the guy who, when Colton told him to vote for Monica, he said, “Now tell me who Monica is again?”

He refused to reveal strategy to Jeff Probst in a most amusing way: “I shant say it, because the game is afoot.”Leif explained that his new tribe was “a very complex, very wisdom kind of tribe” and then tried to “explinate” something, which Jeff Probst pointed out wasn’t a real word.

Tarzan jumped in, saying, “what he said is a neologism,” even though by standard definitions, I don’t think it really was: neologisms aren’t errors, but are either new words or new usage of an existing word, although the Random House dictionary also tells us that in psychiatry, it is “a new word, often consisting of a combination of other words, that is understood only by the speaker: occurring most often in the speech of schizophrenics.”

In any case, it was hilarious, especially when Tarzan couldn’t identify either Monica or Jonas–and he’s been on the same tribe with Jonas for 14 days.

While Colton wasn’t as objectively bigoted or vicious this week, we did get insight into why he feels superior to other people on this show: He’s smarter than most of them, and that may explain his success in bullying them. “It’s really hard being the leader of a bunch of idiots. It’s so difficult,” he said, adding later, “These people suck at Survivor.” Hard to disagree, especially since they’re blindly following him while wondering why they’re blindly following him. Jonas asked, “How does he get away with this?” but later revealed that he’d rather be a follower (“I could be Colton’s bitch; I’ll be whatever you want me to be. Just don’t vote me off.”).

Next week, it looks like we get a medical evacuation from the game, because CBS’ previews are pretty dead-set on giving away the major plot points of the next episode, like this week’s tribe switch. Perhaps one of those in the new world tribe infected themselves with typhoid fever.

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  • Andy Dehnart is the creator of reality blurred and a writer and teacher who obsessively and critically covers reality TV and unscripted entertainment, focusing on how it’s made and what it means. Learn more about Andy.

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