Before their upfront presentation to advertisers, Bravo announced seven new shows that they called an “aggressive development slate”–and collectively, they seem like aggressively awful shows. I’m judging, of course, based on a few dozen words in a press release, and that’s it, so of course I’m being ridiculously unfair. These shows might end up being more inescapably compelling Bravo television, and I’m unashamedly a Bravo addict.

But if there’s anything I’ve learned from Bravo, it’s how to be more judgmental, so here’s what I think based on what the network said about their shows (all quotes are from the release):

• 10 Things That Make Me Happy, a show that “gets up-close and personal with three different celebrities as they share their 10 all-time favorite things.” Is this a joke? I can see TV Guide Network airing this at 6 a.m.
• Alumni Project, on which we “meet graduates of some of the best high schools in the country …15 years after the fact.” Someone at Bravo watched TV Land and The WB’s High School Reunion.
• Fashion Stories Of NYC, on which “four up-and-coming fashion design teams as they produce the defining collection of their careers, all under the watchful eye of fashion icon Andre Leon Talley.” GET OVER IT. YOU LOST PROJECT RUNWAY. STOP WITH THE DAMN FASHION SHOWS.
• Female Entrepreneur Project, the working title for “a competition project that breaks the mold of traditional business shows and celebrates the fact that women are leading the charge to build innovative and inspiring companies.” Okay, this has potential. But how about giving it a name before you announce it so it sounds like you’re excited about it?
• Property Envy lost me at the phrase “studio-based talk show,” one that has panelists talking about “unusual private homes, both on and off the market.” Zzzzz.
• Sex And The Kitchen, “follows a group of single, successful and beautiful women connected to the restaurant and food industry in Los Angeles as they juggle a world where business always mixes with pleasure.” So yes, another Real Housewives knock-off. Like the others, it could work; it all depends upon who they cast. But -10 points for originality.
• MD: OC “follows a group of doctors whose business caters to the rich through house calls.” That has the most potential, I think, because it’s the most original. But who is going to let themselves be filmed while they’re treated at home? They don’t even want to leave their house to seek medical attention! And it’s not like Orange County is full of a bunch of attention-seeking narcissists. Oh.