Big Brother cast member Jessie Godderz issued a press release today to announce that he’s been offered a development contract with TNA wrestling. At least, I imagine it was him or someone connected to him, because it is the most unbelievable press release (if we can call it that) you will ever see.
Wrestleview published it, and attributes it only to a submission from someone with a screenname. Its glowing view of Jessie, though, goes so far beyond what any actual organization would say in a press release–which, I’m the first to point out, are often full of self-aggrandizing bullshit–that it’s comical. And let’s not even start with the fact that it calls him “Mr. PEC-Tacular” throughout.
The most disturbing claim in it is this: “he’s also already been ‘unofficially’ invited back to Big Brother for another surprise appearance next summer.”
I don’t know what “unofficially” means when it’s in scare quotes, but I am sure something isn’t a surprise when you announce it in a press release, just as I am sure that the first thing I do the next time I tour the Big Brother set or interview Big Brother’s producers will be to beg them to not let this happen.
The statement also has all perhaps factually accurate statements that give Jessie exceptional amounts of credit. For example, it says he “was invited back [to Big Brother] amid much fanfare in 2009, and then was invited back yet again to perk-up the ratings with a surprise guest appearance on the show once again this year. CBS’ trick worked. Mr. PEC-Tacular’s appearance helped give Big Brother their largest Adult 18-34 rating in nearly three years…and the episode also attracted Big Brother’s largest audience on any night since September of ’09.”
Yes, those ratings were all for Jessie. Please. He was on the episode for just a few minutes, although a few too many minutes, if you ask me.
The press release also likes to make comparisons, claiming that he “has millions of fans worldwide who either love him or love to hate him–similar to how fans react to John Cena in the WWE,” that he “would be Team 3D’s Academy’s biggest acquisition by far if this deal is accepted,” and that “Sources report TNA hopes to turn Mr. PEC-Tacular into their own successful version of The Miz in WWE.”
That “sources report” is a not-so-clever way of making this sound like journalism, but real journalism doesn’t shamelessly promote its subject as if it was selling a product (well, sometimes it does, sadly).
Among the fun typos, such as the one in the sentence noting that Jessie has “appeared on the hit CBS reality series ‘Big Brother’ more times than anyone in it’s long history,” the release makes it sound like he might reject TNA’s offer (“If accepted”), as if one would send out a press release announcing something that’s unlikely to happen. Oh wait, this isn’t a press release, it’s a news story with its sources and all, even though it appears on no actual news site anywhere.