Although it started 75 minutes late and began with two pointless back-to-back equalizers, The Amazing Race 15 finally picked up a bit, thanks to two contrasting challenges, one in the sweltering desert and one in the cold.
The editing was fantastic when the editors kept cutting to Lance and Keri driving around Dubai, completely lost. While I was hoping that would last the rest of the season–you know, the other teams are crossing the finish line and we cut back to Lance, driving aimlessly through Dubai and blaming Keri for the sun’s heat–they eventually did check in. For the last time, woo!
By the way, throughout the episode, there were a spike of people searching Google for a particular phrase and ending up here. That phrase: “the amazing race 15 asshole.”
- Teams were given a clue that instructed them to go to the Persian Gulf and find the world’s tallest building. At the airport, Sam or Dan discovered, as they shared excitedly with other teams, that “the Persian Gulf isn’t even a country.” You’d have thought the clue said something super-confusing, like “vagina.”
- Keri said that her relationship with Lance was so strong that “nothing could tear us apart,” and Lance agreed, romantically saying they were getting married because they had “nonrefundable deposits.” He also put down a deposit on a lifetime supply of asshole.
- Arriving in the United Arab Emirates, Meghan said, “It is hot. And humid.” That was very clear to us because the camera lenses were all fogged up.
- When the teams had to go to a high floor in the Dubai Tower, Mika said, “I’m not a fan of heights,” and Canaan lovingly told her, “We’re going to do this thing together.” Apparently, his loving support carries over to next week, when she has to go down a tall water slide, and as the preview showed, he tries to literally throw her down it.
- I like Brian and Ericka a lot, but Brian needs to shut up about TAR being “a big game of karma,” especially while acting like he wants karma to bite him in the ass. In the elevator down, he told the teams that were with him, “If we do see other teams, let’s act like it was the scariest thing ever.” I have an idea: Let’s act like this is a race and not an occasion to come up with silly, pointless plans that we pretend are strategic!
- When she got to the top of the Dubai Tower, Mika said, “This is the happeist I’ve felt in forever,” Mika said. You could almost hear Canaan thinking, “Wait until she gets to scale my tower.”
- Non-sequitor of the night: Gary said, “I’m about ready to wet myself.”
- Driving around, lost, Keri said, “I said no three times.” Lance, who apparently does not understand the word no, asked again, “So we’re not supposed to be on this exit?”
- Before the desert Roadblock, Brian told us that Ericka “melts,” and Ericka amusingly said, “Chocolate melts in the sun.” Later, another team member tried to make a joke that referenced her own race, but instead of being clever, just regurgitated a stereotype. After wrecking their car, Maria said, “I have an excuse, because I’m an Asian female driver.” Zing!
- Brian told us the desert “was like an ocean of sand.” Or, you know, a desert.
- “My judgement sucks,” Lance said. Now, if you can just admit the rest of you sucks, too, maybe we can all get along.
- Cheyne and Meghan did the Fast Forward, at which Cheyne drove a race car. “I am the man,” he screamed. “I like to drive fast. I’m like Ricky Bobby.” Why, yes, you are almost as annoying as Will Ferrell.
- Maria said, “I think it’s pretty clear we’re in an alliance with” Sam and Dan. And it’s also pretty clear you have no idea what show you are on.
- Ericka reminded us that she’s a former Miss America, and said people expect her “to be this particular type of girl. I can pull the claws out if I need to.” Maybe the next time your husband says something about karma you could scratch him a little?
- The Detour was inside Ski Dubai, a snow-covered indoor hill. The score include a riff on jingle bells, which was a nice touch, as was Matt’s confession: “I snowboard in my boxers every winter.”
- The Detour gave Phil one of his best lines of the season so far: “When they find it, they’ll give it to this polar bear.”
- Cut to Lance and Keri driving around in circles, when at one point, Lance admitted, “I kind of screwed it up for us.” Then he went back to blaming Keri. He said, “I’m just saying, baby, I think you made a mistake.” Yes, getting in a relationship with you.
- After finding a tiny snowman in a pile of snow, Big Easy said, “That’s how you be a man, baby.” Yes, the traditional “find a tiny snowman in the snow to become a man” trial.
- Canaan asked a cab driver for directions and to show them the way, and said, “Thank you so much. Follow me.” No wonder they were so lost.
- Lance asked the woman judging the snowmen at the Detour if he could kick his snowman over, because, you know, destroying things makes his penis feel bigger. She gave him some well-deserved attitude (finally!), saying, “You want your clue or not?”
- After being eliminated, Lance said, “Me and Keri have different personalities, but we have a good relationship. We’re different people, but I don’t think I’d want to marry myself. I think it’d suck.” Yep, you do. Bye.