American Idol 8‘s auditions have ended after seven episodes and nine hours–and just in time, because the show ran out of people so fast they had to double-up audition cities in a single hour-long episode, never mind spending time on the losers that have been mostly, thankfully absent this year.
The general approach–which included concluding every single episode with a feel-good story and a not-exactly-surprising golden ticket to Hollywood–has worked, as ratings increased compared to last year, although they’re still down from the season premiere. On Wednesday, 26.97 million people watched, up from 25.6 million last year, according to TV by the Numbers.
While this season has had fun auditions and auditions featuring delusional dummies, it has been nearly free of obvious attention whores. But two such obvious clowns showed up last night, one in Puerto Rico and one in New York City. Besides not having enough people to fill their own episode, both cities apparently didn’t even have enough people to fill a half-hour, which is why we had to be exposed to these losers, although at least one had a funny line when he told Simon Cowell, “You mean the way you like it when Seacrest does it?” (It’s better without context.) The show even let Alexis Cohen, the glittered goober from last year, audition again, and like last year, it ended in her giving the finger to the judges.
Season eight ran out of material so fast that, during Wednesday’s episode, Ryan Seacrest had to beg people in Utah to fight the judges, because they weren’t making interesting television by just being agreeable when they were rejected. “Don’t let them talk you into conceeding,” Seacrest said. “So use that drive and determination that got you here to get it and leave with it.”
In other words, you Utahans are boring as
Archuleta shit and we’re not going to be able to get a full episode out of this unless some of you act crazy. On Tuesday, the crazy had to come from the judges, when Paula inexplicably fake-made out with Kara, and the judges sat on each other’s laps after a fan of Randy Jackson’s sat on his lap (!). And Ryan Seacrest, who previously attempted to high-five a blind man, pretended to punch a man with MS–an Osmond!–in the stomach.
Next week, the newly expanded Hollywood rounds arrive, and clearly, it’s not a moment too soon.