Misty May-Treanor has dropped out of Dancing with the Stars 7, and will have surgery tomorrow for a ruptured Achilles tendon–which the two-hour show got around to revealing 15 minutes before it concluded.
Dancing with the Stars has officially become the reality TV version of local news: they tease and tease and tease, because they’re so damn insecure about their ratings, and get around to telling us something that we already know or could easily find out, not realizing that the teasing has turned us off.
They’re such assholes that they’ll make us wait until the end of tonight’s results show to reveal whether or not Kim Kardashian will return, or if the empty spot will be filled at all. In the final moments of the show, Samantha Harris said, “Tomorrow night, we’ll tell you what Misty’s exit means for the competition on what promises to be a dramatic night.”
Tomorrow night, Samantha and company, you can all bite me, because I’m going to fast forward through your whole damn waste of time results show and whatever irrelevant musical act you’ve booked. The relentless teasing and self-promotion on last night’s episode was ridiculous, and now you’re doing even more and expect us to fall for it all over again?
Monday night, the show’s producers demonstrated their compassion for Misty May-Treanor by showing her injury over and over again, often in slow motion, followed by dramatic footage of her in excruciating pain. That always came with Tom Bergeron’s shameless teases, which made the series sound like one of those self-aggrandizing media outlets that has more self-promotion than actual content.
Tom Bergeron kept teasing Misty May-Treanor’s eventual appearance as if he was suddenly hosting a tabloid entertainment show. “She’ll join us later in the show to talk exclusively about what happened, how serious it is, and how it will affect her,” he said. He read similar teases about every 15 minutes, because we’re so stupid that we wouldn’t stay tuned in if we didn’t know that was coming. “Still to come, Misty May-Treanor will be here for an exclusive interview about her injury, plus, of course, more dancing,” he said.
Bergeron’s best/most aggravating line of the night, though, was when Misty May-Treanor finally hobbled out on crutches and Tom said, “I’m going to ask a rhetorical question; I think we all know the answer to this…” Yes, Tom, you bastard, we knew the answer even though you pretended like we didn’t and made us wait, because we have Internet access and don’t need a cheesy show to jerk us around for a 105 minutes.
If it wasn’t for Cloris Leachman, I might have been insulted enough to watch Prison Break, and I have to be really insulted to want to watch such terrible writing, never mind Michael Rappaport. But I digress, and Cloris she stole the entire episode–and not because of her outrageously ridiculous dance.
Instead, when Cody Linley was backstage getting his scores, Samantha asked him if being on the show had attracted new fans. “Yeah, you know, I’ve had a lot of older women, they’re like, ooh, you can rumba,” he said, and Cloris suddenly appeared from behind the camera and walked up to him and without saying a word, put her hand up as if to sensually caress him, stopped herself, and stepped back. It was such great physical comedy that judges were cracking up and not even ready to show their scores.