The votes are in, and we have two winners in the first annual reality blurred Sexiest Reality TV Stars of 2005 contest.
Before we get to the results, thanks for voting. After slogging through hundreds of votes, I was often entertained by your wonderfully bitchy comments (some of which are reproduced below), even as others made me lose faith in humanity. (Like, how hard is it to follow simple directions and type with your caps lock key off? I’m looking at you, Constantine fans–one of whom included 519 exclamation points in the message; another voted five separate times after the deadline had passed.) Also thanks to Reality TV Stuff for the stunning prizes, The 2006 Sexiest Men and Women of Reality TV Calendars, which were won in a random drawing by Kelly D. of Cincinnati.
The good news about the contest is that the vast majority of cast members received just one vote, so you very well may have that person all to yourself. For example, Hells Kitchen star Dewberry, who received one vote, from Dana W., who said, “Come now, who *didn’t* want to see this stud take of his shirt and rub the Chef’s famous chocolate sauce all over himself…?” And Survivor Guatemala‘s Judd got one vote, from a reader named Ken, who wrote, “I loved watching his maletosterone on display when he went swimming in his white boxer briefs. One rarely gets to see big beefy hairy guys swimming on TV.”
There were also some gender-bending results; Biggest Loser trainer Jillian was nominated in the male category, and Project Runway‘s Austin Scarlett was nominated as a female. There was also a considerable amount of consternation about voting for someone on the other team. One person declined to vote for someone of the same sex, writing, “Not into that, sorry.” Look, there’s no reason to worry about acknowledgeding that someone is hot–unless you think about that person when you touch yourself.
Jealously reared its ugly head a few times, such as when Kyle B. voted for The Real World Austin‘s Danny: “Screw Melinda…I’d suck that guys cock harder than Wes game sucked.” Others were more conflicted; Aaron W. almost voted for Challenge star Beth S., but said, “Playmate Cara takes the cake in this one–I’d love to roll around in some cake with her.”
But campaigning fans led to two clear victories, as judged by the percentage of total votes they received. But first, the losers.
- 1% Bobby Jon Drinkard, Survivor Guatemala and Survivor Palau
Kathy R. sums up Bobby Jon’s appeal: “Normally I like guys who have something in their head, who can offer a great discussion. This is the first time in my life that I have found a dimwit to be ‘sexy’. When he smiles, oooh, all reason leaves me.”
- 2% Bo Bice, American Idol 4
He had a small showing, but his fans, like Kate, say he’s “[w]ay better than Constantine ‘I have balls for a chin’ Maroulis.”
- 2% Nick Linz, The Amazing Race 8
Brian D. was one of Nick’s fans, writing, “I would love to lash him down to the bed, cover him in whipped cream and send myself into a diabetic coma making sure I licked off every single last bit of it.”
- 3% Nadia Turner, American Idol 4
- 3% Stephenie LaGrossa, Survivor Guatemala and Survivor Palau
- 3% Danni, Survivor Guatemala
The most recent winner impressed people both on and off the show. Rupali L. wrote, “I thought Danni was really pretty without all the make-up and unkempt hair on the show, but after seeing her at the Survivor reunion, I was like WOW!”
- 5% Kaysar Ridha, Big Brother 6
Kaysar didn’t do as well has his BB6 counterpart, but he turns people on, such as Tim S., who writes, “Sure he’s smart, confident and charming… but the man is beautiful. He’s the contemporary definition of handsome. He doesn’t fit with the dumb, Abercrombie fratboy definition of hot, and that’s why I like him.” Tracey S. writes, “Kaysar is so hot, my mind would go blank while watching BB6, before quickly filling with dirty thoughts about the sexy beast.”
- 8% Carrie Underwood, American Idol 4
- 7% Anthony Federov, American Idol 4
He’s perhaps an unlikely runner-up for the sexiest male title, but he has his fans; Sandi P. said, “He is gorgeous! And his pants are major packed, what a ‘package’!!”
the winners: reality blurred’s sexiest reality stars of 2005
Constantine Maroulis, American Idol 4
27.8% of all votes cast
Constantine clearly dominated, even with all of the votes I threw out from fans of his who happen to be morons. Why is he so insanely popular? As Amy H. wrote, “He just makes a woman melt with his sultry voice and chest hair, [and] turned AI into an adult show this year!” A voter named Jessica said “he is the living definition of sexiness,” while Angela wrote, “I have to change my undies everytime I see him!”
For his fans, watching him is apparently like having sex, which either says a lot about him or not very much about their sex lives. Patti B. said Constantine “eye eff’d the audience for 3 months”; Deborah G. wrote, “I credit this man for kick starting my sex life again. Just watching him perform is like watching porn for me. Damn…. I think I need a moment”; and Laura S. said, “He pulls you in so close you almost need a cigarette after he’s done!”
Janelle Pierzina, Big Brother 6
9% of all votes cast
Janelle’s fans, on the other hand, seem to respect her for her game-changing game play about as equally as her capacity to turn them on. That, or they’re lying. Carla T. wrote, “Although I am a dreadfully straight chick, I had a massive girl crush on Jedi Janie this summer. Mommy, Mommmy, Mommy, I want a Janie doll!”
Sandi P. noted, “Janelle looked great and said everything to the nerd herd that we were all screaming to our monitors!” Tereecea D. said that Janelle is “[Beautiful] (inside & out), sexy & smart! Love her!” And Kelly D. said, “She was the complete package. Her looks and personality make her sexy.”
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