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Amazing Race delays the conclusion of its most boring episode yet until next week

Next week’s episode of The Amazing Race 8 looks fun, as the preview showed a cop (e.g., Satan’s minion) pulling the Weavers over. But last night’s episode was a little boring. While it was short on all those things we’ve come to not expect from this season (action, adventure, foreign locations), it was even short on those things we’ve grown to love, like hypocrisy and God references from the Weavers. But, there were still some fun moments:

  • “…and was the ninth pit stop in The Amazing Race.” Ah, remember the days when Phil used to say “…in a race around the world?” Good times.
  • “There’s a lot of testosterone, but having my three brothers with me on this race is an advantage, because I can also be spoiled.” Ah, remember the days when women fought to be treated as equals? Good times.
  • “Oh yeah, we can sleep in our trailer!” one of the Linz boys said, having apparently forgotten that they were towing a monstrosity other than too just get horrible gas mileage.
  • Also, one of the Linzes said a prayer before going to sleep (mocking the Weavers?) while wearing a t-shirt that said “Uncle Bone.” Apparently “Bone” is his nickname, as another racer referred to him as “Bone” later.
  • “We’ve never really been treated like this,” Mom Weaver said. You know, I just realized that they live about 25 minutes away from me; I hope they don’t send God after me once he’s done helping people win reality shows.
  • “Were you sorry you wasted your Yield? You will be!” mom Weaver screamed at the Linzes, scaring the other teams. “Are you sorry?” They weren’t.
  • Mom Weaver called the Godlewskis “those snotty little ladies,” while her daughter said something about them being “bottle blonds” and having “implants.”
  • There was almost a mid-air collision between the hot-air balloons holding the Bransens and the Linzes. “Bounced off of ’em. He’s really lucky,” the pilot said, yet it was still about as dramatic as watching a bag of cotton balls fall off a shelf.
  • “Teams must now travel 14 miles…” Sucky, sucky race.
  • The Weavers’ hot air balloon landed on a hill abutting a road, causing mom Weaver to ask, “How are we gonna get down from this steep hill?” Then they all shrieked as the balloon basket moved. There was, however, no praying. Are they growing, learning to trust other human beings and themselves? Holy christ!
  • A Bransen sister needed help translating the word “precision.”
  • “Don’t talk to me like I’m an animal or something,” a Godlewski said as they all fought.
  • “Let’s just pray and do it,” one of the Weavers said about the Detour. Never mind, goddammit.
  • “This is my chance to shine, as opposed to dragging them down, as I do most legs,” Wally Bransen said about his daughters. Aw.
  • A cluebox was beneath a giant tree sculpture that looked like a pole with some balls attached to it. I bet myself $5 that a Linz would make a testicle joke, and I won. Too bad I didn’t also bet myself $5 that the Bransens would make a hemorrhoid joke.
  • “Thank you, God! We’re in front of the Housewives,” the Weavers said, covered in coal imported from the land of heathen Muslims.
  • Rolly Weaver is kind of amusing and intelligent. His sister said, “My brain is like fried, like I’ve been in math class all day.” Rolly said, “You failed math class, Bec.” Her sister disagreed, but she confirmed it: “Yes I did. Twice.”
  • Okay, Phil announced that the Linzes fell into fourth place because of a production error involving the cameras draining their battery. Once again, they didn’t get a time credit. Not even the crew can get their act together this season.
  • “Aren’t you thankful we found these maps?” mom Weaver asked, even though we saw a kind person hand them a map. Then she said, “Please bless our travels today, please, God.” Why does she feel the need to verbalize all of her prayers? Does that make them come true? It doesn’t seem to be working for my prayers for them to realize their own hypocrisy.
  • “How come I couldn’t do that?” a Godlewski asked after they had to have a stranger back up their SUV and trailer. “Because you’re a retard,” her sister said.
  • The Weavers and the Linzes had some kind of confrontation through the windows of their SUVs, but I’m too bored to transcribe it.
  • “Hopefully it comes off quick and not too many people show up,” Wally Bransen said, waiting for Old Faithful to erupt.
  • “Oh dear lord!” mom Weaver said, thrilled that God made sure Old Faithful wouldn’t erupt until they arrived. Billions of years of geology, all carefully planned just so the Weavers would arrive right on time.
  • Shortly after seeing Old Faithful erupt, a Weaver girl saw the Linzes arriving, and, apparently not understanding the whole “every 90 minutes” thing, or apparently actually convinced that God interceded, said, “I pray– I hope that they have to wait.”
  • The Bransens and the Weavers met Phil on the mat, where he announced that this was another one of those “to be continued” legs.” How long is this leg going to go on?” someone asked. Good question.

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  • Andy Dehnart is the creator of reality blurred and a writer and teacher who obsessively and critically covers reality TV and unscripted entertainment, focusing on how it’s made and what it means.


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