If you don’t like TBS’ latest “unscripted comedy series,” the network will give you $1. Yes, those who are unsatisfied with Minding the Store–and who have the patience to read and follow directions that are 679 words long–will get paid by the network.
This may be a brilliant or bad move, considering that the series stars Pauly Shore; it follows his efforts “to get his mother’s world-famous Comedy Store back on track, while also giving his own career a boost.” In a press release, Pauly says (and by “says,” I mean a PR person probably wrote this), “I am so confident that my new series will make people laugh. I’ve convinced the network heads at TBS to let me offer this special guarantee. It’s our way of saying we value people’s television-viewing time, and we know they’ll feel their time spent watching MINDING THE STORE is well worth it.”
There’s are a number of catches, though. First, you have to send a self-addressed stamped envelope along with your request. That’s two 37 cent stamps, so you’ll be spending 74 cents and making a net of 26 cents, unless you want to count supplies and perhaps gas to drive to the post office, in which case you’ll be losing money.
Even better, only 250,000 people will get paid. So if more than a quarter million people find Pauly Shore unfunny, well, those additional people are screwed. Also, the rules state that you’re effectively selling the rights to your “name, city and state of residence, and reason why he/she didn’t like ‘Minding the Store’ for advertising and promotional purposes in any and all media now or hereafter known throughout the world in perpetuity without additional compensation, notification or permission.”
Yeah, that’s worth 26 cents.