Caridee wins America’s Next Top Model, cycle 7

Caridee English is America’s next next next next next next next Top Model. She defeated Melrose Bickerstaff, who the judges said had a better final runway walk but not better photographs. Eugena Washington came in third place, eliminated after the judges decided she was dead.

Melrose was not happy losing the “battle of the blondes,” as Caridee called their final America’s Next Top Model 7 face-off. “I’m pissed. I’ve put my heart and soul into this, and it wasn’t enough,” Melrose said. “And I got called a bitch the whole way through it and it sucks. And I feel really misunderstood and I’m sad.” And that was before all of America saw her and began writing mean things on message boards about her.

Caridee and Melrose walked the final runway as “ghost brides,” and during the show, Caridee accidentally stepped on Melrose’s dress, which caused Melrose’s thin veneer of sanity to crumble instantly. “She ripped the fucking dress!” she cried. “She stepped on the dress! She stepped on the dress!”

Also during the episode, Atoosa Rubenstein showed up yet again this season, either to prove she can be on a reality show without hiding inside a plasma TV, or to promote the magazine she quit a few months later. And “Life coach” Dr. Michelle showed up to counsel the girls/help Tyra promote her daytime talk show. And the editors managed to cobble together a reasonable story without the story editors, although every transition to a commercial seemed like they literally forgot to include commercials the first time around and had to insert them in random places.

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