Ashley Parker Angel gets into a fight at the Roxy when a drunk calls him “cupcake” and slaps him
There and Back just keeps on delivering the awesome. In two short weeks, we’ve gone from the emotions of childbirth to bar fights. Yes, this week, Ashley gets physical with a drunk who called him “cupcake.” But there was even more excitement before the fight:
- Ashley told Tiffany’s mother that he was being a crappy dad. “Mom, I know that both of you guys are picking up the slack with Lyric. … I’m just trying to do everything I can do to get us to place where we’re not living check to check,” he said. His plan involved going to a temp agency, dressed in a respectable blue shirt and tie but with jeans and hair that hadn’t been washed since Bill Clinton was president.
- “I’m such a rock star, yeah,” Ashley said, realizing just how far he’d fallen.
- I’m willing to accept the most absurd things on reality shows, but if the temp agency guy Ashley met with isn’t an improvisational comedian hired by the producers, I’m an orangutan. The whole place looked fake, starting with the “Hot Jobs” sign outside the door which appeared to have been constructed by a kindergarten teacher. Either it was fake, or these were the only yahoos who’d let producers film there. The agency guy told Ashley that, based on his complete lack of experience and skills, that he was only qualified to do “human directional advertising. … You get to stand outside of a building or something and you hold a sign.” In other words, you get to help the producers make a funny episode.
- Ashley called Jacob to get work on a construction site. He’s not qualified to answer phones, but we’re going to let him assemble a house?
- Jacob and his elbow-length dreads pulled up to Ashley’s house in his white Corvette, with “Club Foot” by Kasabian playing in the background, all of which suggests Jacob is way more bad-ass than he will ever be.
- On the job, Ashley tried to use a tape measure. “It’s like two millimeters under 42 inches. What are the tiniest measurements on here? Millimeters?” Even Jacob knew the answer: “Centimeters,” he said, exasperated.
- As it turns out, they were building a house for some former O-Town fans. Jacob said, “I don’t like getting seen on the job site, because then everybody else looks at you like a nancy-boy.” Still insecure after all these years and all those dreads, Jacob?
- I’m not really buying that Ashley is doing more than showing up at the construction site for more than a few hours to get some footage, especially since he later referred to his pay as “a couple grand” for a few days a week for a few weeks.
- Time for the fight. At the Roxy, some drunk guy yelled at Ashley, “Hey, asshole. Yeah, you, cupcake. You and your ugly fucking friends get the fuck out.” Then the guy slapped Ashley in the face. Um, drunk dude, if you used to masturbate to the “Liquid Dreams” video, it’s okay. There’s no reason to take your self-hatred out on Ashley.
- Ashley then threw his drink in the guy’s face and called him “bitch.” When people talk about men embracing their feminine sides, this is not what they mean.
- Outside the club, where Ashley and company had been banished, the guy approached yet again. His face was unblurred, so he probably signed a release, and just wanted to get himself more camera time. “Cupcake. You wanna spill a drink on me again or what? That’s a cute fucking girl sweatshirt you got on there,” he said, adding, “I will smack you.” Then he did. So Ashley lunged and punched him, perhaps in the stomach.
- During all of this, Tiffany was as aggressive, if not more so, than Ashley. So much swearing ensued that it was just one long beep, although we heard Ashley say, “Get on your knees. … What a little fucking bitch.” Later she said that Ashley’s perform-oral-sex-on-me insult excited her: “I’m totally turned on by it, baby, I love it. I love it that you told him that, it’s so great,” she said.
- At another bar, Ashley, clearly drunk, told the story to at least half a dozen people. Again, dude, the cameras are there to record everything. Just tell them to watch your show.