The spawn of O-Town arrives, and his name is Lyric
Yes, one of O-Town’s members has actually reproduced, and we saw it happen live on MTV. But before we get to that momentous occasion, we still have to work through last week’s episode, which I missed because I was traveling. That episode featured the return of two O-Towners, Dan Miller and Erik Estrada, who has apparently dropped the -Michael. Here’s are the highlights of the past two episodes:
- “I love sleeping. I could sleep forever,” Ashley said, in bed. “It’s because you’re lazy,” Tiffany said, offering some foreshadowing for next week’s episode, when Ashley would fall asleep during her labor. Really.
- Ashley let us know that “Dan comes over today. He’s in town doing that tour.” Yes, the tour of O-Town members’ houses that have camera crews.
- Ashley told his manager, “Dan Miller from O-Town, he’s doing this tour, it’s actually called the Boys of Summer tour.” Holy shit, Dan’s a stripper. Actually, it was a tour of ex-boy band members. But that name, damn.
- Dan and Ashley watched videos (cuts of Making the Band?) of their time in O-Town and reminisced, and it was very sad.
- Tiffany found out, in a roundabout way, that Dan’s show had been cancelled before he did. To confirm this, Dan went online to HOB.com and discovered that the show he was performing in had, in fact, been cancelled. Again, this was almost too sad to laugh at. Almost.
- Ashley put on a cowboy hat and had a garage sale, while he and his girlfriend’s mother drank Heineken. For breakfast.
- Okay, during the first episode, it was kind of cute when Ashley popped out of the screen to deliver badly written exposition. But he just popped out of a scene and then proceeded to walked around the edge of a pool and then literally across its water. Although he has scruffy hair, the man is not Jesus. Christ.
- Erik Estrada showed up at Ashley’s surprise birthday party, and another guy had a monkey, but hopefully it wasn’t Erik’s monkey, because if more than one O-Town member has a monkey, the world just may spin right off its axis.
- Okay, now we’re up to this week’s episode. I kind of like the theme song to the show, even though its lyrics seem appropriated from the name of the band Soundtrack of our Lives. I even went to iTunes, but alas, it’s not for sale, because someone dropped the ball. However, it is on Ashley’s MySpace page, and Dan Miller is one of his friends. It is now official: If you are not on MySpace, you are a loser.
- “Gotta capture the moment,” Ashley said, taking a photograph of Tiffany getting a belly cast (don’t ask). Alas, he still doesn’t seem to understand the point of having a camera crew following him around everywhere.
- “I’m probably keeping the baby in ‘cause I’m afraid to let him out, because if I don’t watch him, like, 24/7, who knows what you’ll do to him,” Tiffany told Ashley. “We’re going to have an infant, and I’m not going to be able to trust you with the baby.” After she said that, Ashley decided that it’d be a good idea to argue with her. Dude, maybe wait until after she squeezes out that VW-sized thing in her uterus.
- Ashley even said, “Maybe you need to reevaluate who you’re with and whether or not you want to be with me.” It’s a good thing we went to commercial right at that moment, because no one really wants to see Ashley get beaten to death.
- “This will be her only grandchild for me because after this I’m getting my tubes cut,” Ashley said. “This whole experience has been rough on all of us. Mostly rough on you, but…” Then he said he was just kidding about the vasectomy, and confessed what birth control method he used that led to the conception of the spawn of O-Town: “I’m not going to be using the pull and pray, because that didn’t work for me.”
- Holy shit, they really named the kid Lyric? I thought that was a joke.
- Ashley slept through Tiffany’s water breaking. Then he gave his cell phone to Tiffany so she could talk to Ashley’s family members—and she gave them directions while fully dilated, while the baby’s head was about to pop out.
- All joking aside, watching Tiffany give birth was perhaps the most incredible moment on MTV in a long time. Childbirth has become a cliche in films and on TV shows, but this one was actually real.