The Simple Life 4 ends with “bullshit” finale that will be continued next season

I gave up on The Simple Life’s fake, boring reality three seasons ago, so I missed Sunday night’s finale (which repeats today at 10 a.m. ET and tomorrow night at 10). But Us Weekly did watch, and reports that the show concluded with a “to be continued”—despite promos “teasingly showing Paris Hilton confronting frenemy Nicole Richie saying, ‘We need to talk.’”

The show will continue next season, which has already been ordered, and the magazine calls this “bullshit.” But it’s not nearly as bad as what they say led up to that moment. Just reading this is appalling; why this kind of over-scripted nonsense is considered reality TV is beyond me, and it’s especially appalling that people actually watch. Anyway, here’s a condensed version of what Us Weekly says happened:

“The show starts off with Paris sending a lookalike to the Seigel’s home in her place because she’s still partying 90 minutes before she’s required to be there. Nicole becomes incensed and threatens to out the Faux Paris to the family, blackmailing her into waiting on her hand and foot in exchange for her silence. Then Nicole persuades Faux Paris to set up an interview with an Australian journalist and (in a rather genius move) tells the reporter that Paris is pregnant with Marc Anthony’s baby. Anyway, the episode ends with Paris catching wind of the plan and — in full Alexis Carrington mode in an evening gown and blue fur coat — storming in on the interview, demanding, ‘What do you think you’re doing, Nicole? How could you do this?” … Paris then says ‘We need to talk…’ and then the show ends with ‘TO BE CONTINUED…(dramatic pause) Next Season.’”

If the show is going to hire people to write its fake reality, they should hire someone who can actually write something other than ridiculous melodrama that makes Saved by the Bell look like an Errol Morris documentary.

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