Shayne, Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter, gets engaged to Matt Grant

During the finale of The Bachelor 12, British bachelor Matt Grant told us, “I just thought to myself, who, out of these two women, can I honestly see as a lifelong partner, and it was quite clear to me.” The answer: Lorenzo Lamas’ daughter, Shayne, an actress/famewhore. He proposed to her and she said yes.

Also during the episode, Matt told us, “Without a doubt, I am falling in love with Chelsea. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. She’s incredible. She’s absolutely incredible and I hope we can get through this together.” By “this,” of course, he meant dumping her ass.

After being rejected, Chelsea sort of flipped out and said, “to me, [Shayne] was the falsest person here.” Matt defended his selection, telling her, “if you ever think for one second that I’m the sort of person that would end up with the falsest person here, then you don’t know me.”

That was perhaps the most dramatic moment in a long, tedious hour. Why, exactly, did ABC even want anyone to watch the finale? They spoiled the results long ago, and even had Matt in the Dancing with the Stars audience to make sure everyone knew exactly how it would end, as Tom Bergeron got confirmation that Matt proposed to the woman he selected. In other words, the only real reason to tune in was to see who he picked—and who he dumped, which tends to be the best part, which is why last season’s finale was so great. Maybe there would have been more drama if Matt had kept the girl with the fake parents or the girl who gave him panties. But no.

Matt proposed to Shayne by saying, and I quote, “Monkey, will you marry me?” I’m kind of glad I missed nearly all of this season and thus the context, because it’s much funnier without any. Shayne did have a demand, however. “I will marry you under one condition, that you will never look at another woman for the rest of our lives,” she said, “because you have looked at way too many during our relationship.”

He said, “I promise you.” And with that, the break-up countdown clock started.

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