Carissa Gaghan explains it all and becomes The Amazing Race’s breakout star

As The Amazing Race 8 teams climbed into cabs, it almost felt like a real episode of The Amazing Race. Then they had to, um, search for a guy. And for their Detour, they had to look at wooden birds through binoculars or pick up instruments; the Roadblock had them playing baseball. At least the Fast Forward involved bungee jumping.

Once again, here are some memorable quotes from the families, the only interesting part of this race:

  • It’s impossible to just not love Carissa Gaghan, unquestionably the race’s breakout star, especially when she bitch-slaps the producers for the very reason that many of us have been irritated with the show. Upon learning that they were heading to Panama, she said, “I’m excited finally that we’re getting out of the US.”
  • Tragically, the college-educated Linz boys aren’t quite as bright as she is. After reading the route information, one of them said, “I love high school spring break. I hope we can check out 16-year-old girls.” His sister asked, “That’s the wrong Panama City, isn’t it?” Then their senior-senior citizen cab driver gave them the answer: “Not Florida.”
  • Before the race began, mom Paolo basically started crying and told the camera, “My ideal situation by the end would have DJ put his arms around me and say, ‘I love you, Ma’.”
  • Later, one of the Godlewski sisters came to mom Paolo’s aid. “He’s just absolutely cruel to you. What are you doing? Be nice to your mom,” one of the sisters said to her.
  • “Dad, shut up,” one of the obnoxious Paolo kids said to their dad after he finally said his first word on the whole race.
  • Rolly Weaver asked his cab driver to drive fast by saying, “el speedo,” even though all he really had to do was add an “o” to the end of “rapid” and say “rapido” like all of the other “Spanish-speaking” teams.
  • “Lord, please lead us to Ricardo Diaz,” mom Weaver said.
  • Later, a Weaver asked another team’s boat driver to drive slowly. Apparently God wasn’t available to smite the other team.
  • The Godlewski sisters had a debate about what constitutes an island. “It’s surrounded by water, you guys,” one said. Another excitedly agreed, “This is an island, that’s right, there’s no other way off, this is an island, we knew that.”
  • When DJ finally bungee jumped at the Fast Forward, I’d say he screamed like a little girl, except that’s sexist and insulting to Carissa, who’d never scream like that.
  • Dad Bransen called a parrot “it’s one of those, like, talking birds.” For a moment I thought he meant Big Bird.
  • One of the Godlewski sisters wanted to see some skin at the Roadblock: “Sharon, flash ‘em while you’re running to base.”
  • Before Rolly Weaver hit a ground ball that rolled through a players legs, the other teams tried to psyche him out, prompting his mom to non-ironically tell them, “You guys hush. We’re encouraging everyone.”
  • After his dad hit the ball at the Roadblock, Billy looked at the camera, pointed, and said, “That’s what I’m talking about.”
  • Phil told the last-place team, the Godlewski sisters, that they weren’t eliminated, but that he needed to collect “everything except the clothes on your back.” While he said this, he was basically laughing, because they’d put on all of their clothes in multiple layers, circumventing the rule. He also joked that, and I’m paraphrasing here, it might be illegal in Panama to wear underpants on top of underpants on top of pants.

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