Jaime’s ugly Americanism rubs off on other teams

In the middle of two surprising reality show endings that started with Survivor Tocantinsawesome Tribal Council last Thursday and concluded with the amazing post-Boardroom freakout on Celebrity Apprentice 2, The Amazing Race 14 had a surprising ending of its own, although one that wasn’t quite as dramatic.

  • After last week’s showdown between two previously thoroughly likable teams, both Jen and Kisha and Margie and Luke insisted that was in the past. “We’re going to move on. We’re over it,” Kisha said. Luke said, “I’m done, I’m not going to talk to them,” but he also said he’d “kick their ass” in the finals. Animosity soon returned, though, when they arrived at the airport and found themselves behind Margie and Luke, who got mad when Jen and Kisha got in line first at a different ticket counter where everyone had to pay for their tickets. For the love and memory of Bea Arthur, can’t all the race’s gays just get along?
  • The airport tension also turned Jen and Kisha into Jaime for some reason. When they couldn’t get a response from a ticket agent, Jen said, “It’s patented in China. The dumb look.” Then Kisha took it to another level, mocking the Chinese employee by saying, “They should be able to say it. ‘Me no speak English or something.’” But it was Jen who made herself look like the biggest idiot when she was mocking someone who speaks another language—“Me no speaka a English,” she said—and got her stereotype wrong, adopting a mocking Italian accent instead of a Chinese one.
  • Jen and Kisha commented that Tammy and Victor had an advantage since they speak Mandarin, and while that’s true, they probably are helped the most by not being asses. Tammy asked for a seat near the front of the plane by saying to an agent, “please, I beg of you,” and then laughing when she asked the agent to put the other teams in the back of the plane.
  • At the Roadblock in Beijing, one team member had to get a painful foot massage for 10 minutes, and Cara opted to do it. Jaime told her, “If you say uncle, I’m going to hurt you.” Cara replied, “Shut up, Jaime. Just be quiet.” Finally! Can we please pay that masseuse to massage Cara all the time so she’ll be forced to continually tell Jaime to shut up?
  • I’m sure someone smarter than I will tell me what it was, but Luke appeared to have a Chiquita banana-like sticker sticker on the bottom of his right foot. Anyway, while getting a massage, Luke actually said, “ow,” but the editors subtitled him anyway: “Ow.” Helpful.
  • Trying to get a cab, Jaime said something offensive that was censored and I couldn’t even figure it out—“You look like freakin’ like you’re” something, she said to a cab driver, while Jen’s obnoxious comment was much more direct, as she just said, “They all look alike.”
  • The Detour task had the teams attempting synchronized diving or a 400-meter relay, one of Michael Phelps’ events during the Beijing Olympics. Phil helpfully explained that “teams don’t have to beat Phelps’ time,” but they still were compared to his time, mostly to make them look worse than they already look, apparently. Jaime, for example, dog paddled her way across the pool as that familiar green line showing Michael Phelps’ time sped its way ahead of her in the pool.
  • Attempting the synchronized diving, which was actually more like synchronized jumping off a diving board, Tammy said, “I have no idea what we’re doing wrong.” I’m no synchronized diving judge—I’m usually too busy ogling the divers to, like, judge them—but it seems to me the problem is that Victor is jumping into the pool about five minutes before you even walk to the end of the diving board.
  • Jen had issues with being in the pool, and Kisha was perhaps one of the most amazingly supportive teammates we’ve ever seen. Instead of hurling her sister into the water when Jen said, “I wanna go home,” she talked her through it and even put on a life vest in solidarity.
  • Victor’s legs were cramping as he tried to get into a cab, so he made orgasm noises to help ease the pain.
  • Jaime was practically wetting her pants having arrived first, and seemed to even be crying, so she missed Phil saying “You are the first team to arrive.” But instead of a penalty, he pulled out an even more frustrating weapon: another clue, as the leg of the race—just like the episode—was to be continued.