Bolivia brings girl fights, flying sports bras
Last night, I came up with a solution to CBS’ constantly delayed start of The Amazing Race, which inevitably means I’ll see some 60 Minutes anchor’s face instead of Phil Keoghan’s when I tune in or play back my DVR recording.
If they’re going to continue this delayed nonsense and force me to watch Andy Rooney’s pointless bitching (Last night, his insane old man ranting was about how prices increase over time. Breaking news!), at least make it entertaining. Cut 60 Minutes short by letting it actually overlap with the reality competition, casting Andy Rooney on the race with, say, Larry King. A race around the world will be the perfect occasion for Rooney’s racist and homophobic commentary, and the production can accidentally leave him behind in, say, a Thailand brothel, solving everyone’s problems.
Meanwhile, the actual cast went to Bolivia this week, where there were more costumes than drama:
- Either Kelly or Christy said her sports bra “hurled itself off the ledge”—or Starr did something to it. Starr laughed off the accusation: “How does that get us ahead in anything?” Maybe Nick runs faster with a sports bra?
- Dallas told us, “I think that this race is really about getting to know each other on a different level.” This is probably not what he meant, but his mother and the rest of the world certainly got to know him on a different level later in the episode when he wore tights—not that the nude photo of Dallas circulating on the Internet didn’t accomplish the same thing when they got home.
- “I think I look pretty sexy,” the red-headed frat boy said, and the brown-haired one chuckled for the rest of us.
- Holy shit: The editors completely edited out the teams getting airline tickets. They just magically arrived in Bolivia—and on two separate flights. Finally!
- The clue instructed teams to “make your way on foot,” but Bill and Ted—I mean, Mark and Bill—ignored that. In the taxi, one of them said, “I don’t want to curse myself and say we’re in first, but I definitely think we’re doing well.” Cue the Cymbal Crash of Foreshadowing.
- In La Paz, Bolivia, Tina said, “I don’t see how they get around at this altitude,” apparently assuming that everyone in the city had just arrived there, like her.
- Best descriptive language used by a team during the episode: Marisa and Brooke caught up to the frat boys, who were “just waddling along.”
- The wooden bikes some teams rode—and crashed—during the Detour may have been genuine and locally crafted, however ridiculous they were, but the helmets with feathers were clearly designed to make them look like idiots.
- So were the costumes required during the Roadblock, which Phil introduced by saying that said one person had to “set aside all decorum and fight a girl.” Since they were merely participating in choreographed fights with female fighters, what Phil should have said was, “set aside all decorum and squeeze into this brightly colored, skin-tight, superhero-esque leotard and parade around in front of hundreds of locals and a U.S. television audience of millions.
- Mark and Bill incurred a 30-minute penalty for failing to read the clue, which if you ask me was actually not that significant. But it was enough for Kelly and Christy to beat them to the finish line, and lead to Mark and Bill’s elimination, although Mark’s failure to remember the fight choreography didn’t help, either.