Speedbumps fail to slow an Amazing Race 12 team but a bad U-turn causes them to stop
The worst decision of The Amazing Race 12 led to the elimination of one team on Sunday’s episode, which thanks to football, actually started airing in 2008. I kid, but seriously, can no football game end within its time limits? Can CBS not move up the start of Phil and company by mailing VHS tapes of Andy Rooney’s 60 Minutes segment to his three remaining fans?
- At one point during this leg of the race, Rachel said, “You definitely feel like a little something is hovering over you.” If that thing is a neon leprechaun, that’s probably the weed.
- At the airport—and it’s tragic how little time they spent in Florence; at least make the teams wait in line for the Accademia to see some real suffering—Kynt said he and Vyxsin were “resorting to a lot of performance art,” overacting to pretend that they hadn’t been able to find a flight. I could make a joke about clown makeup here, but despite (or perhaps because of) their meltdown last week, they’re now my favorite team, and the only ones I really want to win. And we all know where this is going.
- Deciding to thread flowers for the Detour, Rachel said, “I do flowers for a living.” Flowers? Not grass? (This is too easy.)
- Kynt and Vyxsin’s Speedbump, the new penalty for not being eliminated at a non-elimination leg, was “a series of complex yoga poses,” which showed off her thong.
- Vyxsin said their cab, which had a dark interior, was “very cozy; it’s like being in the interior of a coffin.” Normally, that sort of statement would beg a question, such as, How exactly do you know that? But here, it just seems natural.
- Nate and Jen had an interesting conversation about sexist assumptions while threading flowers. Unfortunately, they were fighting at the time, and when they fight I pull out my soldering gun and start drawing on my arm to dull the pain.
- I will never grow tired of watching Ronald turn from a mild-mannered dorky dad into a flaming asshole, which he does as fast as Clark Kent transitioned to Superman, although Ronald doesn’t even change facial expressions. “Why did you change your mind all the time?” he yelled at the person supervising the Detour task. “Daddy, if you piss off the judge, we’re screwed,” his increasingly exasperated daughter said.
- “We’re going to have to U-Turn Kynt and Vyxsin,” Nate said as they approached the U-turn, with Kynt and Vyxsin—the only other team that still had yet to reach that point—not far behind. But miraculously, Kynt and Vyxsin arrived first, and Kynt announced, “We’re going to exercise the U-Turn!” The world rejoiced, CBS took a commercial break, and then they U-Turned Nicolas and Donald. WTF?! They were convinced the grandfather and grandson were behind them, even though they saw Tweedledumb and Tweedleasshole at the Detour. Kynt said something about there being “a better chance” of Nicolas and Donald being behind, but that didn’t cover for his stupidity.
- While Phil used his “may be eliminated” fake-out phrase, Rachel and the editors actually spoiled the outcome. In her post-check in interview, Rachel said, “We are one of four teams.” Meanwhile, TK realized Rachel set herself up for most of the stoner jokes this week, so he said, “Yeah, man, winning a million dollars would be freaking awesome.”
- Referring to the dating goths, Jen said, “Honestly, they have witch powers or something.” Alas, that’s probably not true, because if they had witch powers, they probably would have bewitched your mouth and caused it to shut itself forever.
- After eliminating Kynt and Vyxsin, Phil told them, “I’d have to give you the award for the most fashionable couple ever on the Amazing Race.” They were thrilled, and Kynt said later, “As exotic as we may look on the surface, we’re still just a couple of goth kids from Louisville, Kentucky.” Vyxsin added, “As long as Kynt is in my life, the adventure will never end.” Well, the adventure ended for us, thanks to your stupid stupid stupid U-Turn decision. Damn you, dating goths, for making us suffer the rest of the season with Nate and Jen.