One team gets left behind on Amazing Race 11

Teams bit into thousands of cookies, one team was completely forgotten, and another team got Yielded, yet overall, last night’s episode of The Amazing Race 9 was pretty boring. With five episodes to go, these all-stars better start shining. See? It’s even affecting my ability to write engaging metaphors.

  • “We don’t resort to dirty game play like that. We really depend on our skills to get us through,” Mirna said, foreshadowing a moment when she would do the exact opposite. When Eric asked Mirna and Charla if they’d give up one of the two computers they were using to search for plane tickets, Mirna refused. Later, as retribution, Eric wouldn’t let Mirna cut them in line. But then Mirna told us, “Touche, he has a point.” At least she’s aware of her hypocrisy. Now if she’d only realize that she’s an ass.
  • Uchenna and Joyce booked a flight that Danny and Oswald decided not to take because it had a tight connection. “We’re optimistic about it. Things should work out. Our life depends on it,” Uchenna said. Despite the commercial break, which usually ends with a turnaround for the team in crisis, they missed their connection, and were left trying to find another flight.
  • “They definitely don’t need a StairMaster in their country,” Charla said while climbing stairs in Kuala Lumpua, as if America lacks stairs.
  • Dustin and Kandice appeared to have taken the wrong train and bus, but managed to beat Eric and Danielle, and Oswald and Danny, to the clue box.
  • “It’s pure strategy; it’s nothing personal,” one of the blondes said after Yielding Eric and Danielle. “Those dirty, dirty hookers,” Eric said, and told Danielle they got Yielded “because they’re dirty pirate hookers.” Why is not surprising that Eric’s reference point for women are those who have to be paid for sex and steal your money?
  • A crowd watched Charla and Mirna open 600 boxes of cookies (each of which contained at least a dozen cookies, and probably many more), bite into them, and let the cookie’s crumbles fall out of their mouth. They were searching for a single cookie with a licorice center, and as spit-out cookies piled up, someone screamed, “Go Charla!” Mirna explained, “We have a lot of fans, it turns out, here in Malaysia, that recognize us, and they really boost our egos.” Mirna, try that sentence again, replacing the “we” with “Charla.”
  • “You should have no problem with getting free newspaper,” a man told Kandice. “The way you look, yeah,” he said, and it almost seemed like he was saying that it was not because of her stunning good looks, but because she looked like a homeless person in need of shelter.
  • Oswald revealed one of his greatest fears, and it was not being thrown off a building. “Want me to ride a horse, I’m happy. Throw me from a building, I’m fine. Bicycles, I simply don’t like them,” he said. Danny, however, didn’t like Oswald, riding away on the bike saying, “Hating you!” over and over again. “Does anybody have a rope so I can hang myself?” Oswald asked. Even when they’re angry, they’re funnier than Saturday Night Live.
  • Dustin or Kandice—I can only tell them apart when one uses the other’s name—said “I smell Phil” as they ran to the mat. That made me wonder: What does Phil smell like? I think it’s a combination of a day spa, the beach, and funnel cakes.
  • Mirna told a boy who helped her, “Stay out of drugs, go to schools, be a professional, and you’re in good shape.” And be sure to learn English in schools.
  • “Every Roadblock that is designed for a guy, I am doing. And every Roadblock for a girl, Eric’s got. He’s a woman,” Danielle complained, as if she didn’t even watch The Amazing Race 9.
  • Oswald and Danny arrived at the pit stop last, but Phil simply said they were in fourth place. What? That’s when the editors cut back to Uchenna and Joyce, who I’d completely forgotten were still racing. Their fist clue told them to “travel by taxi to the next pit stop,” where Phil eliminated them, but offered comfort by saying, “you have won this race before.” Good thing Phil doesn’t officiate at funerals, where he’d probably say, “you still have one parent left.”

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