Apolo Anton Ohno wins Dancing with the Stars 4

Apolo Anton Ohno won Dancing with the Stars 4, defeating Joey Fatone to take home the world’s crappiest trophy.

After three final performances, for which each couple received a perfect 30 because the judges have given up, Laila Ali was eliminated first, and she said, “Of course I’m pissed.” Fatone, the first contestant to reveal that he was participating this season, said, “It’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever done in my life,” according to the AP.

In order to fill the two-hour finale, producers included a clip package of the show’s history, going all the way back to its origins as the 1949 UK show Come Dancing. They also showed clips of its various international versions, which was moderately interesting because all of the sets look nearly identical. All of the three previous winners appeared, as did this season’s contestants.

One of them, John Ratzenberger, told host Tom Begeron that he wanted Tom’s job. When Tom threw back to perpetually vacant Samantha Harris, she said, “By the way, Tom, no worries, I’m not letting you go.” Oh, Samantha; if anyone’s going, it’s not him.

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