Big Brother houseguests get stupider, if that’s possible

Big Brother always has its share of idiots, which is one of the reasons why it—and other reality shows with dummies—can be so fun. But this season, I’m pretty sure a potato generates more power than the houseguests’ combined brains, and depending upon the potato, would also be smarter.

For some reason, dumbness and religiosity often goes together, and the editors tend to have fun with that, playing faux church music while showing footage of the houseguests interacting with higher powers. While Amber from last season is perhaps untoppable in terms of sanctimoniousness and religious hypocrisy on Big Brother, but Josh made a play for the title, praying in the hot tub:

“Dear God: I’m now being serious. I’m sorry I’ve made mistakes. I’m sorry I’ve verbally abused people. Please help me to be a better person and be able to have more patience to handle all of the evil that surrounds me. I’m sorry that I have basically broken almost every commandment. Please, please help me—please help me on my diet, because I don’t think it’s going that great. So please help me, give me a sign. I’m not asking for six-packs, but I am asking for at least a flatter stomach. Let me win this game. I could really use this money. I promise I will tithe 10 percent of my funds to the church.”

First, I know he was just exaggerating for effect with the commandments thing, but I’d bet Allison Grodner’s integrity that Josh can’t name more than five commandments, and he’s probably only broken like three. If he’d worshiped other gods, stolen, murdered, or even just constructed a few idols out of slop, it would have been a far more fascinating season than it has been so far. Also, who prays out loud wearing briefs in a hot tub while being filmed by dozens of cameras on a Hollywood soundstage?

While Josh prayed for a flatter stomach, he was taking a non-religious route, but not a very smart one. He said that he was on a no-carb diet, and couldn’t go on slop because it was too carb-intensive. Uh, it’s not really working for you there, buddy.

There was more stupidity last night: During the “Are they serious with these goddamn HOH room segments?” segment, Ryan said, “At the top of my wish list is to see a picture of Jen in my HOH room.” He kept saying this as if he hasn’t seen her since she was evicted, as if there isn’t a picture of her downstairs 24/7 on the memory wall.

Natalie insisted there were three colors on on something in the guinea pig cage, but finally admitted that there were four when she counted them on her fingers. “You’re right!” she cried, as if she’d just discovered a cure for cancer. Then, she declared that there were 27 blocks, and “27 letters in the alphabet.” “There are 26 letters in the alphabet,” Ryan said, and she looked at him like he’d just declared the world was flat. She counted the letters to prove that he was wrong, and included “and Z” as two.

To her credit, at least she admitted that she made a mistake and laughed about it. Moments later, though, after saying, “Spelling is one thing I’m great at,” she spelled “C-E-R-E-L.” Cereal.

Also during the food competition, was primarily entertaining because we got to hear Josh try to pronounce “Oompa Loompa,” the houseguests had to assemble words from letters to spell foods they’d get to eat.

During that, James put the “S” on “MEATS” backwards. Speaking of meat, both teams had “meat” on their board, but then spent time spelling out foods such as beef, fish, chicken, and turkey, apparently unaware that “meat” pretty much includes all of those things.

Josh spelled “chicken” “chiken” until his team yelled at him. He also explained why he initially assembled the word “meat.” “I’m a meaty boy and enjoy meat so I thought meat was very appropriate to spell,” Josh said, thinking he was being witty except that he wasn’t making sense (enjoy meat=carnivore? gay? both? what?). Of course, since he’s Joshuah, he said that like, “I’m a meaay boyanen joy mee so I thot mee was very appropriato spell.”

And for an extra dose of stupidity, don’t forget to vote for Allison to return to the house. and as a bonus, she’ll cause the rest of the houseguests to shit themselves. Remember how horrified the Friendship was when viewers sent Kaysar back in? It’ll be the same thing, except, you know, Allison is no Kaysar.

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