Howie evicted from Big Brother 7 and confronts new HOH Mike Boogie on his way out

Well, well, well. Who would have ever thought Chicken George capable of making Big Brother 7 interesting again, if only for a few minutes? George, bonded forever to Howie as his Jedi protege—you know, I just realized that when I write sentences like that, I die a little inside. Anyway, George stabbed his buddy in the back, nominating him for eviction, leading to his eviction and to a whole lot of drama.

For a few minutes, it seemed like George was playing very strategically. And I suppose he still is; he’s just playing the cover-your-ass game of Big Brother. Thus, when Mike “Boogie” Malin threatened him right before the veto ceremony, George backed down.

Mike said, and I quote, “I’m not confirming or denying who would have the power, but there’s a general acceptance of who does. … Is that maybe something you want to go up against?” (Read more on this and his now-irrelevant coup d’etat power.) George was definitely swayed by the speech, and when Danielle and Erika shrieked at him “do it!” he caved, nominating Howie. Of course, had Mike given a speech about Cheez Balls, George probably would have nominated a Cheez Ball for eviction.

Thus inspired Howie’s first outburst of the evening, because it wouldn’t be a day in the house if Howie didn’t get emotional. As he took his seat in the nomination chair, Howie angrily said, “Promised me twice, Georgie. And you want to listen to the people that tried to sell your ass out last week?” Howie only settled down once everyone assured him that he wasn’t leaving. Among those that gave him their word was Mike “Boogie” Malin, who assured Howie that it’d always be “bros before hos.” Do these men date anyone but their own hands?

Mike “Boogie” Malin voted against Howie, of course, because he’s a little weasel liar who Will uses as a shield. And thus, as Howie walked out the door, we almost had our first fight of the season. Mike said to him, “Sorry, Howie,” and Howie grabbed Mike’s hat and threw it. “Who’s the sell-out, buddy?” Howie yelled.

“Tight! Class move!” Mike said, clapping. “Another class-act leaves the big Brother house.” Then Howie got in Mike’s face, saying, “Right to my face, lie to me. You little punk.” James stepped between them, but the yelling continued. “Howie, get to steppin’, get to steppin’ Howie. There’s 20 people standing outside the door,” Mike said, clearly showing his ignorance about the show’s security force, which probably consists of an intern wearing a police officer’s hat that makes him look slightly less like a porn star than Mike Boogie does wearing that stupid hat he wears.

Howie finally left, saying, “Kiss my ass,” and Mike replied, “Class act. Go get a life, Howie, get a life, dog.” Having apparently been energized by the confrontation, Mike proceeded to win HOH. (Incidentally, all of this drama was pre-taped, and in fact, Mike’s nominations are already in, and the next veto competition has already been played.)

The actual HOH competition was so disturbing that I’m glad it lasted just a few sped-up minutes. The producers, the soulless bastards, unleashed some little people dressed in shitty gnome costumes into the back yard. To answer questions, the houseguests had to put their faces into gnome-shaped cutouts marked T or F. If they got the question wrong, one of the gnome little people would smash them in the face with some kind of brown cream pie. Then Julie Chen, newswoman, would say with a straight face, “Those of you with pie in your face, please step down; you’ve been eliminated.”

Apparently, as all this happened, something went down between James and a little person, because after Mike won HOH and the little people were dancing, James said, “Sorry about that. We cool?” and shook one of their hands. No, we not, because I delayed the start of Deadwood to watch that.

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