Big Brother coaches will return (probably) and viewers will take the blame

With Big Brother three weeks into its season, there’s only one thing to do: throw out the twist and un-level the playing field even more than usual. Yes, let’s let the coaches, who’ve single-handedly protected, impacted, and evicted other players, be part of the game!

Of course, this is no surprise, and of course it’s going to happen. Even before Willie was ejected, Britney pointed out (and the CBS included) that there aren’t enough players left in the game to make it to the show’s Sept. 19 finale unless the coaches do enter the game.

“It’s your chance, America, to dramatically change the game,” Julie Chen said in one of her many not-at-all-dramatic teases leading up to the reveal: “Do you want them to remain as coaches or would you like to offer them the chance to join the players and vie for the half-million dollar prize?”

It’s kind of evil genius to leave this to “America’s vote,” and not just because it costs $1 to text each vote. (By the way: I so, so hate the show’s overuse of the word “America”; fewer than 6 million people are watching, and producers act like 300+ million people give a shit about what’s happening in that soundstage). It pawns off a decision that producers would have made anyway on viewers, so they can claim the show is all interactive—a la The Glass House—while blaming viewers if it doesn’t go well.

And if there’s any doubt as to what the results of this vote will be, just read Julie Chen’s comment in EW: “I can’t imagine America doesn’t want it.”

Finally, while returning players are never on an even playing field—the coaches have acknowledged several times how newbies focus on the wrong things, never mind how—letting the coaches into a game in which they’ve had superpowers would just be ridiculous. But this is Big Brother, and rarely has there been a season when players can just play a fair game.

Meanwhile, JoJo, aka the worst player ever (“I DESERVE THIS. I DESERVE THIS.”) was voted out, unsurprisingly, saving Dan, who would have been evicted along with Danielle had she gone home following Dan’s not-genius “coaching move” of letting his sole player flail around by herself. And now previous nominee Shane is HOH, so there’s another power flip, which should keep things somewhat interesting.

In the season’s best moment of unintentional comedy so far, Ashley said that Shane is becoming emancipated,” which she further explained meant that he’s becoming “introverted.”

Later, the results show included a segment with Ken doll Will Kirby, whose shiny face faced the cameras to say nothing of substance at all. I really wish they wouldn’t waste so much time on the Thursday episodes with that crap, though his face was pretty fascinating.

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