Hayden wins Big Brother 12, ending our pain once and for all
Hayden Moss was rewarded with $500,000 after giving us a summer of shirtless shouting and nipple fondling, ending the tamest Big Brother 12 season in years, maybe ever. Britney Haynes, whose rental house burned down yesterday, won the $25,000 fan favorite prize, unsurprising considering voting started as she was voted out in tears.
The final vote was surprisingly close, as Hayden had four votes to Lane Elenburg’s three. Lane, who was likable up until he said awful things, was rewarded with votes for his social game by Rachel, Brendon, and Britney. Enzo tried to “drop a seed” on Hayden and Lane, which was less exciting than you might imagine, but failed to convince Hayden to take him to the final two. The jury seemed enamored with Enzo’s social game, claiming he played the best social game in the history of the show, which if true is rather depressing.
Hayden won the final HOH competition, though it went to a tiebreaker because they answered identically for every question. That final competition, despite my complaints to producers about it, wasn’t based on factual questions, though it seemed to be slightly less random than usual, as they were asked about things such as what Matt thinks his biggest mistake was. Anyway, Hayden knew that winning the final HOH was his ticket to the win, screaming in the Diary Room, “I’m golden.” Now he can afford spelling lessons, since his and Lane’s Brigade t-shirts, like Britney’s, said, “Bragade.” I was thinking that was some kind of joke on Britney (“bra-gade,” it was written), but we know that they aren’t the smartest bunch.
Meanwhile, in the jury house, Ragan said he was “working on forgiveness” with Matt because he values his friendship, but seemed more bothered when he learned from Britney that Matt had been a secret alliance and Ragan was one of its expendable appendages. Ragan called that “analogous to the lie about” Matt’s wife. Meanwhile, Matt took credit for the alliance: “I’m the one who created it.” The jackass also voted for Hayden, saying as he cast his vote that it was for the person who orchestrated his ouster. Leave it to Matt to make everything about himself.
The annoying jury sat around and basically decided that the social game was what they’d use to award $500,000 to one of the idiots. On the live show, they each asked a question to one of the final two, questions they’d all agreed to ask, Julie Chen confirmed. They also seemed like questions the producers wrote (or re-wrote) for them, because they were phrased like HOH competition questions.
Since the finale was live, production did an amazing job of resetting the living room during a commercial break. During the HOH competition, the couches and everything else was missing, but it returned minutes later. Speaking of resetting, it’s kind of weird that, for the finale, they bring in bleachers which don’t seem to hold any more people than the normal seats. It just raises the audience up to make it look bigger.
Julie Chen described this season as one of “romance and sabotage.” Oh Julie, you really should vet the stuff you read first so you don’t sound so ridiculous. As to the alleged sabotage, Ragan revealed himself as the second saboteur, which absolutely no one guessed—probably because he did nothing. Also, the first four evicted houseguests returned, and Andrew, in his typically overblown way, reveled Matt’s lie to Lane, Enzo, and Hayden. Only Lane seemed to be bothered by it, but that might be because of the way Andrew revealed it. Julie Chen tried to recover the moment, but the ball had been fumbled.
Speaking of fumbling moments, when the final vote was revealed, Julie Chen told Hayden to come outside, but he apparently couldn’t hear her because of the audience cheering like the good little clapping zombies they are. She kept saying, “Hayden, come on out, we’re all waiting for you,” and finally, he went out the front door, but for a while it seemed like she was going to have to go in after him—and then Lane, who also stayed behind.
And thus ended the 10 weeks that we’ve suffered with these people. Time for the annual brain purge to pretend that all of this never happened.