Big Brother’s Brigade survives to the end, comes out

Sometime during last night’s episode of Big Brother 12, Enzo said that the Brigade alliance being the final three would be “a storybook finish. Like, it’s like, you know I mean, it’s like, it couldn’t have been written any better.” Well that sentence sure could have been, never mind this season: If it was scripted, it would have been far more interesting.

While it’s super-impressive that an alliance both stayed hidden and together all season long, although it did dump its worst member, it’s hard to celebrate because Hayden, Lane, and Enzo didn’t have much actual competition beyond Brendon and Rachel, and they weren’t even an alliance in the tradition of the best alliances. (To punish them all, I think we should vote for Rachel to win the fan favorite prize. Yes, she drove me crazy, too, but she was responsible for most of the drama and game play, and giving her the win would freak out the other houseguests, which is why it’s totally worth rewarding her.)

I didn’t watch Sunday’s episode, and I wish I wouldn’t have watched most of this one. So. Excruciatingly. Boring. It covered the power of veto competition (Can we stop calling Big Brother competition’s “a buzzer”? It’s a tap light that doesn’t even light up, for crying out loud. Yes, this is what I’m left to be annoyed by.) and Britney’s eviction. It also started the endurance part of the HOH competition, which was by far the best part. Despite being simple and a version of something they’ve done before, flying across the back yard and slamming into a padded wall was fun to watch and maybe even fun to do.

Before Britney left and the wall-slamming started, Lane and Enzo came out to her, giggling as if they’d just revealed they’d been having secret shower time together all summer. But no: They just admitted their alliance, which Britney seemed stunned by, having apparently forgotten about Ragan’s prediction and the fact that she was left with all three guys. Not very observant, Britney. Once Hayden won the POV and kept the nominations the same, Lane decided to stick with the Brigade, not that he wouldn’t have done that anyway. In his goodbye message to her, Lane said, “I didn’t use you one bit,” and it was clear that he was working hard for Britney’s vote before he resurrected the houseguests’ worst grammatical error: “just don’t take it personal.”

But before she was evicted, when Britney got the news that she was going home, she broke down in tears because she realized she couldn’t win, although it’s kind of amazing that she didn’t consider this possibility earlier. Anyway, she bawled, “How does it feel to know that you just wasted three months?”

About seven million people know exactly how that feels, Britney. Exactly.

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