Incest storyline wakes up sleepy Big Brother

Big Brother 12’s self-proclaimed “diabolical super-genius,” Matt Hoffman, won Head of Household but didn’t manage to do anything diabolical or genius, as his only game was nominating Andrew and Kathy. Perhaps there’s a potential back-door here, or perhaps his statement that “right now, I’m just sitting pretty.” He went for the safe choices, leaving the status quo in the house—which maybe is the smartest thing to do, but it’s still boring.

Before his nominations, there were a few funny moments, like Enzo being mocked for his language (“give the meow-meow a break. I reckon she’s speakin’ wrong”), Lane wanting to celebrate Matt’s victory (“Insider, I’m saying, Matt, I want to punch you in the face”), and Andrew pointing out that standing on surfboards being moved in and out of holes in a flimsy wall by squeaky machinery “ain’t a jew sport.”

But the best part of Sunday’s episode came from some of the best editing we’ve ever seen on the show, which will allow me to forgive the editors for including so much damn footage and audio of Brendan and Rachel kissing, causing me to retch. (As annoying as Andrew is, it’s hilarious how he keeps interrupting Brendan and Rachel’s make-out sessions, and also quite welcome, so he better not go home before one of them do. Also, why does Brendon keep whining about privacy? He’s in the fucking Big Brother house.)

Anyway, the Brigade, minus Hayden, were in the HOH room, where Lane floated an idea that Hayden and Kristen were related. “They have the same birthmark,” he said, and Enzo said, “they could be cousins.” This conversation was intercut with scenes of Hayden on top of Kristen, making out with her in a darkened bedroom. That implicit suggestion of incest—unless cousins don’t count wherever you’re from—was made explicit when the men started to mock the way Hayden wasn’t attempting to be physical with Kristen, because they apparently think the cousin thing isn’t a big deal.

“That’s weird. He should be nailing her,” Matt said while stuffing his ugly mouth full of pretzels. (Geniuses, apparently, can also be pigs.) Then, just in case you didn’t already hate him, Enzo said “bros before hos.” Yes, the brigade is the worst alliance in Big Brother history, because they’re a bunch of nauseating, stupid men who aren’t very strategic and don’t even listen to the nonsense they babble.

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