Ugly liar Matt stays on Big Brother despite the pretzels, Kathy leaves, Britney wins HOH

Big Brother 12 started with Matt licking his finger and trying to get something off his shirt while Julie read her script; he obviously didn’t think the live show had started yet. While everyone has done that at some point, it seems to encapsulate something about Matt that I can’t stand: his lack of awareness about how others perceive him. He thinks he’s the shit, but really, he looks like an ass.

Matt’s nomination led to some interesting strategy discussions, and by “interesting,” I mean better than the complete lack of strategizing we’ve had this season. Enzo and Hayden basically decided “Matty’s going home, that’s it.” Matt caught on when Enzo suggested that he might vote for Matt. “It doesn’t take a diabolical super-genius to figure out he’s trying to get rid of me,” Matt said, which is a good thing since there is no diabolical super-anything in the house, just an asshole who at least had the decency to zip up his hoodie and hide his chest stubble.

While there’s debate online about Rachel’s pretzel message to Brendon, it’s clearly something the producers aren’t attempting to conceal. Julie Chen’s teleprompter even said, “never underestimate the power of the pretzel.” And with Ragan’s saboteur note (more on that in a minute), it seems like there may not be a rule against leaving messages any more. Or that rule is suspended when it will create more drama.

Ragan won $20,000 for being the second saboteur, bragging that he was “the person who is wreaking havoc on this house.” That’s almost total bullshit, except his final act actually did have consequence. He wrote a note (yeah) that said “I know your secret” and put it under Enzo’s pillow, which caused the houseguests to accuse Kathy because she’d made the beds, thus illustrating their lack of imagination. The person who everyone know was changing the sheets would be the most obvious choice; do they really think someone would be so obvious? Probably, because they’d be that obvious, too. Anyway, they thought she was the saboteur, with the added evidence of the fact that the saboteur signed the note “S,” which of course stands for “sheriff.”

Speaking of the saboteur, Julie Chen told the houseguests that “their reign of terror is officially over,” which is fine because it’s not like they were paranoid or really affected by this dumb twist.

When it came time for the big moment, Julie Chen had some hamster-wrangling to do, inviting Matt to give his pre-vote speech first, and he worked his way into revealing that he had the Diamond Power of Veto, which promptly fell apart (so Big Brother). Matt ended by telling Brendon, “better luck next time, you big dummy.”

He nominated Kathy, who was his only other option besides Britney; his rationale was that he wanted to “get the house as competitive as possible.” After being evicted by a unanimous vote, Kathy said, “I feel like I didn’t have a chance to fight,” but of course she did: she could have won the veto and saved herself, but she sucks as a player.

While Britney’s mouth hung open the most when Matt played with his power, Ragan was the most thrilled, even doing a dance at the end of the show when he was alone in the have-not bedroom. Ragan sucks at judging people and will pay for this, because earlier, he said he has “affection” for Matt because of Matt’s lie about his wife, so when he finds out about that (on the finale, I hope), his mouth will probably drop open. Matt reiterated his lie at some point, telling us “my wife just got diagnosed with some other crazy pretend disease.” Seriously, Matt, fuck off and disappear.

Britney won the true or false HOH, which is the outcome I wanted; I think it’s more interesting than any member of the Brigade being up because they have such limited choices, and are clearly still sticking together. This at least opens the possibility that they’ll be up against one another if Brendon gets nominated and wins the veto. By the way, Matt threw the HOH competition, giving a thumbs up and mouthing “perfect” when he was eliminated on an easy true/false question. I’m not sure what his strategy is there, but if it was to make me hate the sight of his face more, it worked.

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