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Tuesday, April 1

American Idol Ruben and Clay both disqualified.
A day after Corey Clark was removed from American Idol 2 because of his prior record, finalists Clay Aiken and Ruben Studdard have both been disqualified and removed from the competition. Producers cited Ruben's continued unauthorized promotion of Birmingham's area code, which is not a paid sponsor of the show, and Clay's flirting with host Ryan Seacrest, which distracted from Ryan's flirting with Simon. "Ruben was warned at least twice that only sponsor-related shirts would be permitted," a producer said. "And Clay just wasn't willing to go along with the natural banter and persona that we scripted for him." They'll be replaced on tonight's show by Justin Guarini and Kelly Clarkson, who will only sing songs from their upcoming movie.
+ plus: The Smoking Gun reveals that one of the cast members is actually not a criminal.

+ find more on American Idol 2

Trading Spaces Hildi sets bedroom walls on fire during next week's Trading Spaces episode.
Saturday's episode of Trading Spaces features designer Hildi Santo-Tomas setting fire to the walls of a suburban Austin home as part of the room's redesign. The design also involved covering the bed with fresh cow manure, an idea Hildi said she got from Kia, who's taking a hiatus from the show after getting stuck to a wallpaper border. The homeowner working on the room expressed hope that her neighbor would like the burned walls, although she refused to help Hildi fill glasses with gasoline and shards of broken glass before placing them on the nightstands. "Aren't they pretty? Just tell them to keep flames and sparks away," Hildi told Paige during the interview. During the reveal the homeowners said, "Wow, I love it!" and "This is great! Oh, wow, look at the walls! Cool!" Later, posting on a message board, they expressed anger over the destruction, saying, "We signed the contract to get on TV, not to get our walls burned by that self-absorbed camera whore." Vern and Doug had no comments on the room; they were busy being anal retentive and drama queeny in tight leather pants, respectively.

+ find more on Trading Spaces

The Real World France tells Real World cast to leave.
The Real World Paris cast members and crew have been told to leave France immediately or face imprisonment. Officials in France said the United States' lack of unilateral support for food with their nation's name in it would no longer be tolerated. "It's really important to us that the United States change the name of 'freedom toast' back to 'french toast,' because nothing is more important to the people of France than recognizing the true origins of food, in this case the culinary contributions of an American in Albany named Joseph French who invented french toast." Bunim-Murray producers were unphased by the demands and refused to pay the airfare for the cast members who wanted to return. "This is going to make great TV. Just wait until you see the episode where one of the cast members is beaten to death in the street by a mob that we incited," the show's director said.

+ find more on The Real World Paris

Joe Millionaire FOX reveals Joe Millionaire 2 twist.
Joe Millionaire 2's big twist has been revealed by FOX: The women being courted will all be fame-seeking whores. "It's so surprising because no one will expect that from a family network like FOX, where we report and you decide that we're right, bitch," a spokesperson said. Although the supply of fame-seeking whores is dwindling with the preponderance of similar shows, and of course every show on MTV, producers aren't worried about casting the second season. "In addition to stealing the show concept from ABC, we also took some Bachelor applications from a guy's desk," a producer said. Having exhausted the world's supply of overgrown apes with IQs lower than their shoe sizes, FOX's short list for the next Joe includes Michael Jackson, Ari Fleischer, and Joan Rivers. And host Alex McLeod will return, digitally inserted into about 26 seconds of the new episodes, just like last season, which will allow her plenty of time to make Paige Davis voodoo dolls.

+ find more on Joe Millionaire

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  • Want real news? Go here. Or, you can read earlier April Fool's Day editions: 1 April 2001 and 1 April 2002.