The United States government has begun targeted drone strikes on reality TV show productions that fake aspects of their shows. So far, drones have successfully destroyed the sets of three cable series that were knock-offs of Duck Dynasty and an editing facility used to manufacture quotations out of stock footage.
Government sources say the targeted strikes began a few years ago, when networks realized they could pass off completely fictional shows as “reality TV” and no one would care.
“Journalists, critics, and viewers have failed to hold producers and networks accountable for deception, so we had to act unilaterally,” the official said. “As we learned during the war on terror, the general public can’t be bothered with critical thinking, so we just take care of that for them by removing the need to think and replacing it with death and destruction.”
These Obama administration initiatives add to efforts started during the Bush administration to waterboard contestants who leak spoilers to other former contestants, family members, close friends on anonymous message boards, and fake Facebook profiles.
Officials dismissed criticism over collateral damage from the drone strikes, noting that it’s so far only included things people demonstrably don’t care about, such as the source of their food and children who have not yet been killed by guns.
An attempt to destroy the Big Brother house was unsuccessful because drones instead targeted anti-aircraft devices later determined to be the cannons used to ejaculate foam onto houseguests during challenges.
This fictional, satirical story is part of the April 1, 2013, edition of reality blurred. Happy April Fool’s Day.