American Idol’s “shocking” results, disguised amid gibberish, just like the episode

American Idol resolved what it’s doing with the extra week it has since the judges’ save wasn’t used: no one was eliminated this week, though Ryan Seacrest didn’t reveal that until the end of the episode. As a result, the results show seemed like even more of a waste of time than usual. There’s nothing wrong with a non-elimination week, especially since votes will be applied to next week, and it makes sense they’d plan for this. There is something wrong with an hour of literally nothing.

Here’s a recap that recreates how the results show felt using lorem ipsum text, fake filler text designers use to show where content will go:

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Aenean nec lobortis felis. Donec vitae sodales augue. Curabitur quis augue velit, at sagittis elit. Donec purus elit, dapibus vel malesuada eu, gravida a urna. Aenean at nunc sed tellus laoreet tempus id et nisi. “Shocking news” and “another serious night of drama,” Seacrest lies. How does he lie so convincingly? Cras sodales, eros et lobortis porta, tellus mauris sagittis sapien, at hendrerit leo augue sed nibh. Ut consequat commodo rhoncus. Duis tempor tincidunt velit, a eleifend nisi cursus eget. Pellentesque a rhoncus mauris. Morbi eleifend orci et nisl tincidunt vel rhoncus urna auctor. Finalists meet sick kids. Very nice except for the part where the results show used this to manipulate the audience.

Sed ac magna mi, tempor tristique est. Suspendisse potenti. Proin lorem ipsum, fringilla at viverra vel, tristique consequat tortor. Vivamus auctor elementum tellus eu vulputate. Seacrest bullshit. Four Seacrests. Gag. Seacrest makes a blow job joke about Tom Bergeron and name-drops Jeff Probst because he is sad about his lack of an Emmy. Pellentesque tincidunt fermentum massa quis varius. Praesent non leo nec lacus auctor molestie id vel justo. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Mauris a nisl a eros adipiscing tincidunt. Donec adipiscing dignissim mi, vitae dignissim lacus adipiscing sed. Cras at nisi vitae justo dictum ullamcorper quis vel arcu. Etiam iaculis quam quis lectus condimentum bibendum. Sed fermentum scelerisque varius. Finalists each get 20 seconds to bore us. Nulla et nunc sem, vitae pulvinar nunc. Cras nibh massa, rutrum tincidunt aliquet aliquet, hendrerit ac dui. Recaps. Proin sit amet cursus magna. Sed fermentum, lectus ut iaculis interdum, augue arcu gravida odio, et aliquam erat mauris id mi.

Nulla pulvinar congue neque, quis dapibus est feugiat elementum. Nullam sollicitudin tristique orci sit amet laoreet. Nam pharetra enim nec sapien elementum lacinia at ut metus. Morbi vehicula congue lorem sed auctor. Stefano. Cras pulvinar elit eu ligula porttitor interdum. Mauris turpis mauris, aliquet ac tristique id, ullamcorper at ligula. Phasellus diam dolor, venenatis et consequat vitae, faucibus vitae ante. Donec volutpat justo vitae metus laoreet condimentum. In vel dolor diam. Drake fake-out. Praesent tincidunt felis vel mauris sodales non facilisis sapien porttitor. Curabitur sit amet massa sit amet eros venenatis blandit vitae sed diam. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos himenaeos. Mauris enim purus, luctus in pulvinar eget, luctus in urna. Sed quis magna arcu.

Fusce ut pretium nisl. Praesent rhoncus, sem eu ultrices rutrum, dolor velit faucibus erat, congue pharetra urna quam eu quam. Aliquam consectetur placerat purus, et sodales purus viverra ac. Lee DeWyze. Beard. Aenean at laoreet erat. Morbi in euismod arcu. Nunc a nibh et felis varius aliquam. Judges are apparently actually here for this. Vivamus eu fringilla nulla. Morbi sit amet lectus id dui sollicitudin malesuada et in arcu. Aenean facilisis orci id leo dictum sed fringilla est feugiat. Nulla imperdiet justo sed dui suscipit ornare. Quisque est est, egestas sit amet aliquet in, tempor id augue. Maecenas bibendum scelerisque felis, quis tempor orci iaculis sed.

Etiam placerat placerat ligula, at lacinia nibh pretium non. Integer nisl metus, euismod non fermentum at, commodo eu magna. Nulla facilisi. Phasellus magna dolor, euismod sit amet euismod ac, euismod id odio. Ut scelerisque, ipsum suscipit interdum dignissim, tortor lorem hendrerit elit, eget vestibulum urna nibh fringilla nulla. Vestibulum ante ipsum primis in faucibus orci luctus et ultrices posuere cubilia Curae; Aliquam vestibulum tellus non ligula volutpat ac condimentum ipsum tempor. Proin nec tempus sem. Ryan Seacrest splits the finalists into two groups and announces no one goes home just like everyone expected. Is there any doubt why drastic measures are being considered to bring this show back from the ratings dead?

Surprisingly, man not eaten alive on Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive

Discovery Channel’s happy family holiday special Eaten Alive aired Sunday, rewarding viewers for their two full hours of viewing by ensuring that they spent quality time in the company of others instead of wasting that time doing something else that might not have been as satisfying, such as buying things that have labels which accurately reflect their contents.


Winter 2015 reality TV debut schedule

winter 2015 reality TV schedule

Mark your calendars with all these upcoming reality TV show debuts, including Celebrity Apprentice, The Bachelor, and another season of MasterChef Junior, all of which kick off in early January.

There are also 20+ shows debuting in December--including the one-off return of The Sing Off. No winter break for reality TV.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.