One of Big Brother 12’s showmances will finally be broken up tonight

The two Big Brother 12 showmances were the focus of Wednesday’s episode, as annoying power couple Brendon and Rachel struggled, while nominated couple Hayden and Kristen were isolated from each other in more ways than one. Alas, the idea of either couple just makes me gag and/or laugh.

Tonight, Pandora’s Box option will be offered, and if opened, a houseguest will be offered the role of two-week saboteur, which they could refuse. So potentially, nothing could happen.

Rachel’s “bring it on” “went better in my head,” she told Brendon, who was making major pouty faces about her nomination speech. She eventually apologized, saying, “I’m sorry that you guys take it personally,” Rachel told the nominees, and although this was ridiculous because it was personal, I was just ecstatic that she used that word instead of “personal,” which is typically the houseguests’ number-one grammar problem. Rachel’s eye roll after Brendon told her that he loved her and wanted to be with her was priceless, and just how I felt.

Meanwhile, Hayden and Kristen moped. “What did we do to each other?” Kristen asked Hayden, because apparently it wasn’t very memorable. Kristen really said Hayden “has to fight for hisself, too,” and also said “it’s the worst thing that could have ever happened.” She is getting more unintentionally hilarious than she was when she was a ghost.

I wish I could say Wizards of Pinball looked better up close, but I can’t. In fact, it looked ridiculous immediately; the lack of, you know, pins made it seem like they would just bounce off the back wall and roll down, hence all of the balls that went into the veto slot. At least Plinko involves some strategy and is, you know, interesting television. Even when Survivor phones it in with their challenges, like they did more than once the past couple seasons (bowling, anyone?), the challenges work on TV, and effort leads to reward. And it is completely obvious that its challenges are planned starting months in advance and sometimes take weeks to construct, rather than hours.

By the way, between each shot, Brendon walked over and flagged the slot that person’s ball went in. And in case it wasn’t completely obvious, the sound effects were added in post-production; the pinball table was just a carpet-covered piece of wood with dowels sticking out of it.

Trading prizes made the challenge at least somewhat interesting, though I’ve never found the unitard punishment–or any punishments, really–to be entertaining, so I’ll ignore Kristen in her “hippie-tard.” I did like when Hayden took the veto from Kristen before the end of the game–i.e., someone could still take it from him–and got punished, basically, when Britney traded it for solitary confinement. Alas, his being locked up didn’t save us from his shouting and nipple-fondling, nor from his romance with Kristen, as they sat on opposite sides of the door and gushed at each other.

Sometime after that, the reward competition winners finally watched The Other Guys, and even Rachel’s fake laugh didn’t make it seem funny. Rachel actually called it “the best movie I’ve ever seen,” which must mean she’s never watched any movies.

It is fascinating, however, when Rachel goes from ridiculousness like that to rather smart–or maybe she just seems smart by comparison. when Hayden and Kristen proposed an alliance with Rachel and Brendon, and Rachel said, “we also need people we can trust,” and also asked Hayden what deal he’d made with Britney. She’s definitely the only person in her alliance playing, as far as the TV show is concerned. “We’re gonna be remembered,” Hayden said to Britney, thinking his strategy was genius. But Britney didn’t go for it because she realized it would jeopardize people she had alliances with, so now Hayden or Kristen will go home.

Kristen plans to campaign and “completely outrage Rachel and send her home packing.” I’m not quite sure what that means but damn, I hope Kristen stays, because her drama is so much more interesting than Hayden’s nipples.

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