Kristen vanishes for good as Ragan may become the new, temporary saboteur

A Big Brother 12 houseguest who didn’t actually appear to exist for several weeks was evicted from the house last night, when she also learned that her real-life boyfriend broke up with her on TV. That was thanks to her showmance with Shouting Nipples, aka Hayden, who she learned was in a secret alliance.

As if being edited completely out of a number of episodes wasn’t enough, as a final indignity, Kristen was evicted in a crazy wig and unitard. I mourn the loss of the ghost, because when she finally manifested, she was full of crazy drama. I feel like we didn’t really get to experience Kristen in full, and Hayden being voted out might have triggered something interesting. That’s especially true since she sort of figured out he was in an alliance with Matt, Lane, and Enzo based on his lack of concern about her campaigning to stay in the house.

Usually the family interview segments are totally awful and pointless time-wasters, and that was mostly the case with Hayden’s family. Hayden’s mom, who was only recognizable as Hayden’s mom because of her mouth since her eyes were actually visible, called him “the love of my life” (uh). But the fun came when we met Steve, who introduced himself by saying, “I am–or was, depending upon how we look at it–Kristen’s boyfriend. However, this was dulled because they were together for only two months. He told us, “I’m a 31-year-old man”–because real men call their competition boys. Why not just compare penis sizes, too?

Speaking of men, Rachel once again told an evicted nominee “don’t ever, ever try to get between me and my man.” I’m about done with Rachel’s voice, giggling, and proclamations, which collectively are like a cheese grater on my brain.

And speaking of Rachel, any guilt my group of critics and I may have felt about looking at Rachel’s extensions in her duffel bag were assuaged by Britney and Matt pulling them out of her bag–right where we saw them; how weird that we were in her room!–and dancing around in them, prompting Rachel to giggle, of course. Is there anything Rachel doesn’t giggle at? “The highest form of flattery is totally making fun of someone,” she said. Not quite, but okay.

When Kristen was evicted, Julie Chen tried to bait her about her boyfriend, but Kristen just said she needs “time alone.” Then Julie told her, again, that she “played with dignity.” No, she didn’t, which is why she was fun.

Meanwhile, Julie told us that Ragan is the new saboteur, should he choose to accept, and the competition winner will become “the most powerful HOH of the summer.” The HOH competition was both another endurance challenge and another ejaculating challenge! (Seriously, I used to just kind of be kidding about that, but now it’s, like, a regular thing.) The first person to jump or fall off of the spinning paint can, perhaps after getting paint splooged in their face, became the sole have-not for the week, which is an annoying extension of what happened last week. (It’s like: that didn’t cause drama, nor did solitary confinement, so this time, let’s punish one person! Or, you know, you could just leave them alone. Not winning rewards does enough to create drama on Survivor.)

The new HOH has been revealed on the live feeds, and at once I like and am annoyed by that outcome. We’ll see how s/he uses this insane power Julie Chen promises is coming.

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