Brendon proves he’s Big Brother’s only player, Britney’s greed punishes us as Jessie returns

If it wasn’t for the return of Jessie Godderz, I would have been convinced that the Big Brother producers and houseguests were giving me the best birthday present ever today: Matt’s eviction tonight, which seems inevitable now that his duplicity was exposed, he’s nominated, and his alliance hates him almost as much as we do.

That dumbass Jessie returned thanks to Pandora’s Box, which Britney opened in order to get “one hour of advice” from a former houseguest. Instead, she got punished–and so did we. “You know what you are going to feel? The burn, toots,” Jessie said after bursting out of a box, leaving his grotesque muscles covered in glitter. “I’m going to tell you all the secrets you needed to know to look like me,” Jessie said. That prompted Britney to say, “I shouldn’t have opened this stupid box,” especially when she learned everyone else was having a party in the back yard. When she left, she said, “Oh my god, kill me.” For once, Britney’s attempt at wit was on-point.

Brendon’s time as the target ended after he won yet another competition. The veto competition, while boring to actually watch (though Brendon’s button-pushing face was striking), was clearly an attempt to inject some drama into the house. And it was a moderate success. The punishments actually created less drama than the prizes, since the winners weren’t announced, and that caused the Brigade plus Brendon to assume that Matt took the bulk of the prizes–even though Hayden took a vacation and $5,000.

To get the win, Brendon agreed to take 24 chum baths while handcuffed to Britney for 24 hours, and also agreed to be a have not for three weeks and have his head shaved. The only other person who played with the other nominee, Enzo, who has to dress up like a penguin, and who gave all of his clothes to charity. Everyone else wrote off the competition, it seemed, because they are weak players.

While Britney freaked out initially that Brendon won the veto, throwing a temper-tantrum–“We can’t get out one person. Mother of god, how can we not get out one person?” and saying, “I just feel used”–her decision didn’t seem difficult, especially once Matt pushed her to nominate Ragan, which she revealed to Ragan shortly before the veto meeting after he whispered to her. Matt tried to save himself by insisting he’s loyal only to his wife, and didn’t seem to care about what he was doing: “Stabbing my best friend in the back, it’s what I need to do; it’s my only shot to win a half million dollars,” he said.

Had Matt already not pretended his wife had a disease, this would have been pretty vile. As Ragan said, “Matt, I would have fallen on my sword for you, but you ended up stabbing me in the back.” It seems Ragan’s education about Matt has already begun, though there’s a lot more he’ll learn once he’s out of the house. And now it’s clear that Matt is history, since his horrific game play and the fact that he’s a bad person has caused everyone to turn on him. Hell, the Brigade has even adopted Brendon, of all people, to join them in their complaining about Matt.

The best part of the episode, though, came at the very beginning, when half of Matt’s mouth told us that this all went “how I planned, how I orchestrated. Even if Brendon wins the veto, we’re all good.” Yes, Matt, yes we are.

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