American Idol 8 runner-up Adam Lambert returned to help the finalists last night–or, if you believe the executive producer’s disingenuous nonsense, he returned so the show could help his career–and was one of the better mentors we’ve ever seen.
As he gave advice about the finalists’ versions of Elvis Presley songs, Adam promised to be “completely honest but constructive,” and he was. As the first former contestant to serve as a mentor, Adam did extremely well: He was supportive yet direct, telling Andrew Garcia, “It’s boring. I was bored,” and reminding Crystal Bowersox of his strategy last season: “Keep it fresh and surprise people.” Of course, it’s hard to turn mashed potatoes into sweet potato fries, so the finalists didn’t quite transform, but some of them did better than others.
Meanwhile, Ryan Seacrest, who’s apparently out to prove that rich, successful people are assholes, took just a few minutes to reference Adam Lambert’s skill in oral sex, saying, “My tongue is not nearly as talented as yours.” That begs the question: How would Seacrest know? I mean, other than his masturbatory fantasies?
Later, perhaps empowered by Adam’s unapologetic embrace of his sexuality, Seacrest slow danced with Michael Sarver in the aisles during Tim Urban’s surprisingly good performance, a performance that was so surprising Simon Cowell said, “You have managed to go from zero to hero in two weeks.” I think the key word here is “zero”; by simply showing up and not looking like a baby deer whose parent was just run over by a mini-van, Tim is impressive.
When Michael Lynche showed up, the producers started worrying they were going to run out of time, so the judges rushed their comments, leaving a minute or so to kill at the end of the episodes. Brilliant!
But Seacrest still had the opportunity to make a not-funny joke about Brian Dunkleman co-hosting Idol Gives Back. I though the was serious for a second, but no, Seacrest was just making an eight-year-old joke and ripping on the first-season co-host for no reason. Oh, except he’s an asshole. But Brian Dunkleman is the real winner here, especially because he’s self-aware and humble in a way Seacrest will apparently never be.