Here’s a look back at stories you may have missed from the past week, and what’s coming up on reality TV next week.
- During the first week of March, The Bachelor finally concluded after two hours of absurdity, while that absurdity will be in your hands when the show becomes a Wii game (really). American Idol 9 marched forward, dumping four non-white contestants after the judges basically decided on a winner. The show also ended its experiment with social networking by taking away Twitter and Facebook profiles for individual cast members. Dancing with the Stars dragged out its cast announcement but actually has a decent cast, if you close your eyes and pretend Kate Gosselin and Jake Pavelka aren’t on the show. Meanwhile, the Jersey Shore cast prepped us for the Oscars by reenacting scenes from films, and a reality show star who we’ve always dreamed would shut up and go away temporarily can’t speak after biting his own tongue.
- Friday, March 5
Celebrities learn about their genetic histories on Who Do You Think You Are? [NBC, 8 p.m.], an import of a UK series. Tonight, Sarah Jessica Parker learns about her family tree. In honor of the Oscars, Joel McHale and The Soup [E!, 10 p.m.] give out The Soup Awards, which will undoubtedly include clips from great/awful moments from reality TV.
- Saturday, March 6
A new documentary, Magic & Bird: A Courtship of Rivals [HBO, 8 p.m.], looks at the rivarly and friendship between Magic Johnson and Larry Bird.
- Monday, March 8
Last Sunday, Jason and Molly got married, so tonight, we get the first ever The Bachelor wedding [ABC, 8 p.m.], which will undoubtedly include lots of product placement. On cable, there are a number of season (and in some cases, maybe series) finales tonight: The Buried Life [MTV, 10 p.m.] guys end their season of bucket list activities, while Fantasia’s series Fantasia For Real ends with an episode and a clip show [VH1, 10 p.m.]. Also done are MTV’s fake reality series My Life as Liz [MTV, 10:30 p.m.] and the second season of Pawn Star$ [History, 10 p.m.]
- Tuesday, March 9
Two season finales tonight: Chopped [Food Network, 10 p.m.] ends its third season, having grown into a show that really works and that I really like, except when that one stupid judge complains about the size of his appetizer or that other stupid judge complains about red onions. Grow up. Speaking of growing up, the unforgivable, moronic series Bad Girls Club ends its fourth season [Oxygen, 10 p.m.].
- Wednesday, March 10
America’s Next Top Model is back for its 14th season [The CW, 8 p.m.], and the 90-minute season premiere includes clips from international editions of the show. Oh, and Tyra Banks. After that, there’s the debut of High Society [The CW, 9:30 p.m.], a reality series that follows Tinsley Mortimer and her friends. Meanwhile, former couples reunite to see if there’s any possibility of getting back together on First Love, Second Chance [TV Land, 9 p.m.], and The Real Housewives of Orange County reunite [Bravo, 9 p.m.], and Andy Cohen tries to prove himself to be a capable host. Try harder, Andy.
- Thursday, March 11
The final Thursday American Idol [Fox, 8 p.m.] airs tonight, and The Real Housewives of Orange County‘s reunion wraps up [Bravo, 9 p.m.]. And Dr. Drew leaves formerly drunk and high celebrities to their own devices on Sober House [VH1, 10 p.m.], which debuts its second season with a familiar cast.