Next week: Celebrity Apprentice returns along with a bunch of new series debuts

Catch up on what you missed last week, and find out what to look forward to next week:

The Past

In Bravo news, I tried to figure out why hossin’ is a chowin’ for Shear Genius’ new host, we learned that Kim Zolziak is not a lesbian (just someone who’s still dating a married man), the network renewed a bunch of shows, and the next season of Top Chef now has a home.

Also this week, Jason and Molly got married and had Chris Harrison as their narrator, but not many viewers. And if you need fame and/or money, you can get paid $500 to have sex and become a reality star. That’s a lot easier than going on The Bachelor.

The Forward

  • Friday, March 12
    Jo Frost tackles her 99th and 100th episodes of screaming children and bad parents with two back-to-back new episodes of Supernanny [ABC, 8 p.m.]
  • Sunday, March 14
    A ridiculous number of new shows debut tonight: Next Food Network Star Guy Fieri hosts a new game show Minute to Win It [NBC, 7 p.m.], which debuts with two back-to-back episodes. More importantly, Donald Trump returns to kick and kiss the asses of celebrities on The Celebrity Apprentice 3 [NBC, 9 p.m.]. On cable, drivers who suck get their cars literally destroyed on America’s Worst Driver [Travel Channel, 10 p.m.], while Next Design Star winner Antonio Ballatore gets his own prime-time show in The Antonio Treatment [HGTV, 10 p.m.], which debuts with two back-to-back episodes, the second of which follows his renovation of Mario Lopez’s home gym. Kendra returns for the second season of Kendra [E!, 10 p.m.], and she’s followed by Pretty Wild [E!, 10:30 p.m.], which kicks off with an episode about Alexis Neiers’ arrest for burglary. Not all is fun and games: Fatal Attractions tells the stories of pets that killed their owners [Animal Planet, 10 p.m.], while TLC rips off A&E with a special called Hoarding: Buried Alive [TLC, 10 p.m.].
  • Monday, March 15
    Jessica Simpson and her friends travel the globe on The Price of Beauty [VH1, 10 p.m.], which is followed by Transform Me [VH1, 10:30 p.m.], a show on which women are made over by transgendered individuals. One of MTV’s actual reality series, True Life, returns [10 p.m.] with an episode titled “I Need a Transplant.”
  • Tuesday, March 16
    The crappy top 12 on American Idol 9 [Fox, 8 p.m.] will likely mangle the Rolling Stones’ songs on the first performance show of the finals. Just to make sure we didn’t give The Bad Girls Club any credibility, there’s a reunion hosted by Perez Hilton [Oxygen, 10 p.m.]. That’s followed by Love Games: Bad Girls Need Love Too [Oxygen, 11 p.m.], a dating series with, you guessed it, cast members from the show (Amber, Kendra, and Sarah) dating from a pool of 13 obviously clueless men. Later, Marriage Under Construction [HGTV, 11 p.m.] is a docudrama that follows newlyweds who buy and renovate a house.
  • Wednesday, March 17
    The Real World DC concludes its run [MTV, 10 p.m.] and ends the 23rd season of the show that I still can’t believe is still on. A better bet at that time is Destination Truth [SyFy, 10 p.m.], which returns as Josh Gates and crew take advantage of St. Patrick’s Day and go to Ireland to look for a leprechaun.
  • Thursday, March 18
    There’s no Survivor tonight, so give Community and Parks & Recreation a shot on NBC; they’re worth it. Later, the documentary Afghan Star [HBO, 9 p.m.] follows four contestants on Afghanistan’s version of Idol and their struggles not just to win, but to deal with the repercussions of their participation in a conservative society that freaks out and charges dancing women with breaking the law.

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