Natalie’s pointless lies make her even more annoying and more reviled

Natalie’s reign as HOH ends tonight on a special Tuesday live eviction, but the sad part is she’ll still be in the house afterwards, and could potentially even win Big Brother 11. Although she’s exhibited none of the truly horrible behavior that we’ve seen before, she’s somehow become more reviled than people who actually deserve our never-ending scorn.

Whenever she’s on camera, Natalie makes me want to slap my hands up to my face like Kevin does, except I want to do that nonstop until I pass out and wake up after the season ends. Elsewhere, smart Big Brother watchers have tried to articulate why she sucks so much. B-Side runs down Natalie’s obnoxious behavior on the live feeds (like cheating while playing pool), while Entertainment Weekly’s Ken Tucker offers a detailed analysis of her awfulness, citing they way “she’s taken a ridiculous, even absurdist moral high ground” and has “no — zero — sense of humor.”

If you can’t stand Natalie–or Gnat, as some fans awesomely nicknamed her–the Natalie-focused Sunday episode was probably enough to drive you insane. Her actions surrounding the return of Pandora’s Box were incalculably ridiculous.

Upon learning that she had the chance to meet her boyfriend in Pandora’s box–the “first time in the Big Brother history” someone physically met with a loved one inside the house–if she gave up the chance to play in the final veto competition, she took the offer. Great. However, once they reunited, it was as if she was talking to a cardboard cutout of her boyfriend, because their reunion lacked any emotion. Natalie continues to insist she’s 18, the most pointless lie ever, but she really acts like she’s 10 emotionally.

Her first response was to say “really?” when he said they had five minutes, but she said it like you would say “really?” when someone says to you, “the mail isn’t here yet.” And when he proposed to her, she just said, “are you serious?” and stood like she was a cardboard cutout as he gave her a garbage bag twist tie as a ring. Eventually, he had to squeeze an answer out of her, and she said, “it’s a hell yes,” but the whole thing was non-stop awkwardness.

Natalie then got the option to push a tap light “button” to get 15 more minutes at the expense of annoying the other houseguests. She took it, and some people in costumes came in the house and freaked out the others, which was moderately funny, particularly when the copycat was copying Kevin. Meanwhile, Natalie crushed her boyfriend even more by saying she wouldn’t tell anyone what had happened. “It’ll hurt me in the game,” she insisted, adding, “I have to make up something … that way they’ll want me to stay in the game.”

So, the nitwit did what bad liars do, which is lie too much and craft an untenable story. “I just got screwed royally, basically. I don’t get to play in tomorrow’s veto competition because I decided to open Pandora’s box,” she said. That’s where she should have stopped. But because she’s 18!, Natalie created an idiotic story about a “final two reversal” twist that meant if she was in the final two and received the most votes, they would be reversed and she’d lose. That made no sense, but then she added, “and then I got tied, earmuffs, and blindfolded.”

Kevin said what everyone was thinking: “Bitch, you’re lying.” When the other houseguests started questioning her idiotic stories, Natalie finally said, “Please do not ask me anything more about Pandora’s Box. It’s just a request I have.” Yes, the perfect way to escape a lie is by asking people not to ask you about it any more. Here’s just a request I have, Natalie: evaporate.

Kevin saw through all this in about a half a second, which caused Natalie to lie even more, coming clean while she pretended it was a joke. “All you all just got got by a 18-year-old, I just pranked all you guys, cuz I know all of you believed me, right?” And they all said no, and it was awkward yet again. Kevin said, “Why would you lie about that? … I bet you her name is not even Natalie.”

Meanwhile, Natalie nominated Michele and Kevin, who’s clearly grown tired of her bullshit so hopefully he’ll stay and then turn on her in some spectacular way. Wearing an inflatable crown and sunglasses only slightly less ridiculous than Rachel Zoe’s, Natalie told us, “I’m definitely playing the house like a fiddle. Yes, the gnat and the fiddle. Hey diddle diddle: you’re an idiot.

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