Jordan Lloyd won Big Brother 11 after receiving five of the seven votes, including the (irrelevant) one cast by viewers, who voted more than 11 million votes. Natalie Martinez received Russell and Kevin’s votes, but since Jordan was up against Natalie and the jury had turned toxic toward the teenager, Jordan’s win wasn’t a surprise.
What was a surprise, though, is that Ronnie said Natalie was 24, not 18. What?! Why didn’t someone tell me this?! Really? She totally fooled me! I got owned! OMG.
Julie Chen was so pregnant she had to wear a Slanket for the two-hour finale, which was anti-climactic and overly padded. Jeff won the viewer favorite $25,000 vote, which Julie Chen said “wasn’t even close.” Can we please stop orgasming over Jeff now? Thanks.
Thankfully, the stupid, pointless final HOH competition went to a tiebreaker so it wasn’t as the random outcome that would have resulted from the typically stupid, impossible-to-know questions. Both Kevin and Jordan seemed to choke on the tiebreaker, but Jordan guessed there were a total of 50 votes cast all season, while Kevin guessed 80. The answer was 51, and Jordan smartly chose to take Natalie to the end with her.
Having the jury questions live was lame, especially since they had a time limit (with those two women, a minute is barely enough time for them to kick-start their brains), and the jury members asked questions the whole group selected, or some such nonsense. And Kevin got to ask just one question for one person. On top of that, the jury’s pre-finale deliberations were basically just an opportunity for Jeff to argue with Lydia, which was somewhat fun but really, it’s hard to care much at this point.
At first I was annoyed that there was less than a half-hour for the reunion, commercials, and the revelation of the votes, but really, a reunion between a) people who haven’t had time to reflect and decompress, and b) idiots does not need much time at all. Julie Chen rescued it with some pointed questions, like challenging Jessie on his definition of “platonic” after showing footage of his intimacy with Lydia.
Ronnie got all excited and said “there’s someone that took lying to a new level in this game,” revealing Natalie’s big secret to Jordan and Kevin, causing Natalie to throw her head back and laugh like she had just convinced everyone she was, say, a dragon, or a decent person.
Ronnie also defended Michelle, and Julie Chen did some Chima-bashing (“No one wants to defend Chima here or her actions?”). She might as well have just added, “And doesn’t want to ever see their check if they don’t play ball with our Chima narrative?”
Making their final arguments to the jury, two of the weakest players in the game made kind of weak arguments. Jordan said, “I did it on my own,” citing her last few moves in the house, plus her recent challenge wins. Natalie, naturally, continued to revise history, arguing, “I didn’t feel I had to win the most competitions to get to the end.” Of course, every week she said she’d have to win in order to do something, and then proceeded to lose because she’s a twit.
Because producers kept the two women inside the house until the last moments, Natalie got no sense of how much most viewers loathe her, although during the Q&A jury, the audience laughed when she said “I stuck true to every single ally I had. I never backstabbed me, betrayed them, or flopped on them. I was true to my alliance.” But Ronnie’s criticism was pretty much the most she received, and since she got two votes, she probably feels okay. And heck, two votes isn’t bad for an 18-year-old.