Jeff gets got got, goes, while Pandora’s box will return to maybe sort of do something

After making the biggest move in the Big Brother 11 house a few weeks ago and then turning on his own alliance, Jeff was backstabbed by his new backstabbing alliance, and exited the house. That makes way for the home stretch of Big Brother 11: Next week we have an eviction on Tuesday, and then the start of the final HOH competition. In addition, Julie Chen said that new HOH Natalie will find “another temptation” behind the scream-inducing question mark door, which Julie promised us, “this time, it’d bound to affect the game.” Right. However, because Natalie is so naive and young, she’ll probably go for whatever it is.

Emphasis on the “young” in young Natalie’s case; she finally won a competition, and of course it was one that involved guessing. “I want HOH because I haven’t won HOH yet,” she said earlier, her depth of thinking almost betraying her young, young age. (Note: The previous sentences’ references to Natalie’s age were an attempt at sarcasm; I am actually aware that Natalie is not 18, but I am mocking her relentless insistence that she is.)

Anyway, like the typically idiotic and unfair final HOH competition, the three players tonight had to answer true or false questions about things that have happened outside the house. In other words, they guessed. Why not just flip a coin? One question that actually didn’t require guessing, about the definition of the made-up word “technotronics,” was answered incorrectly by both Natalie and Jordan. Ultimately, all three women ended up tying, and the tiebreaker, at least, involved some skill: estimating. Our favorite 18-year-old, Natalie, used her youth to out-count even a scientist with a PhD, and she won HOH. (Note: I am still being sarcastic. I am very aware that Natalie is 24, not 18, like she repeatedly insists, which I am attempting to mock by repeating that.)

It’s the first challenge win for Natalie, and it’s going to force her to actually make some kind of move. Earlier, she pointed out that she’s let other people do the dirty work, and said, “So far, I’m looking good in this game.” Those good looks in the game are, of course, because the young have a particular glow, and no one suspects an 18-year-old would be such an amazing player. (Note: The previous sentence contains yet another a sarcastic reference to Natalie’s pretend age.)

Before being evicted, Jeff, who seems to become more illiterate every week, told Jordan, “We got got–look how far we got.” He tried to save his own ass by turning on his non-sexual showmance, telling Natalie that if she saved him and turned on Kevin, Kevin is “not going to go after you. He’s going to take out a strong player.” I loved the way Jeff tried to get her on his side by ridiculing her, and only because Natalie is so young–she’s 18, I’ve heard–did it not convince her. (Note: I am still being sarcastic about her age.)

Jeff also went after both Kevin and Jordan in his goodbye speech, which was totally classless–not that you would have known that from the studio audience’s collective orgasm when he walked out the door. Jeff tried to convince Natalie, saying, “an 18-year-old stands in the way of my destiny.” Don’t you just hate it when 18-year-olds, who are so young, naive, and just 18, get in the way of your destiny? (Note: I am actually still aware that Natalie is 24, not 18. I am joking. Really. Joke.)

Speaking of Natalie’s age, Jessie, of all people, outed her to Lydia and Russell in the jury house, and Russell screamed “no!” like he’d just learned that he was going to be imprisoned in the jury house for the next 17 years. Lydia said the news “is a shocker” and their relationship was “based on lies”–like that lie they concocted about Chima’s mic magically falling into the jacuzzi from across the yard, maybe?

Julie Chen, who we love even more now, asked Jeff some good questions about his strategy, which landed him outside the house and into the laps of the clapping audience, which clapped hard for Jeff since he got evicted. Yay Jeff! “That’s the first standing ovation we had,” Julie said. Anyway, Jeff stood by dumping Russell and aligning with Kevin and Natalie, who of course showed him the door one week later. Most likely, Jordan and Michele will be close behind.

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