HOH Jessie’s ego now as grotesquely large as his body as he makes two dumb nominations

We have our first nominations of the Big Brother 11 season, and as delivered by HOH Jessie, they made little sense.

Because his clique of athletes is secretly aligning with the brain clique, at least until that all falls apart, he put up a pawn, Chima, and as every single person pointed out, pawns always go home. But Jessie’s big brain didn’t really think this one through, because the whole idea of a pawn is that it’s supposed to be impossible for that person to go home since the person they’re up against is universally hated. The reverse is almost true here, because Chima was a natural nominee, freaking out after her clique lost the first “have and have not challenge” and learned that she’d have to live on slop and sleep in the steel bedroom, which has thin mattresses, pillows, and prison blankets.

Lydia was nominated, too, apparently because she demonstrates some intelligence and/or was trying to play Jessie. Whatever the reason, it’s unfair, because she’s a good character and also she massaged Jessie’s muscles and should get a week’s immunity for that alone. Earlier, Lydia told us she’s not going to judge Jessie “on the exterior and his appearance,” which is nice even though it’s okay to judge people about the choices they make, like transforming yourself into something super-human. Lydia’s statement is also a clear indication she didn’t watch last season, because he deserves to be judged right out of the house and back to the gym.

That’s because he is even more insufferable this season, and hasn’t yet started to really mangle the English language in an amusing way. As the headline says, his ego has grown to be as freakishly and grotesquely large as his body, and he kept talking in a super-high voice, maybe because his testicles have shrunk to the size of M&Ms.

Besides a lot of Jessie time, this episode mostly gave us a chance to get to know the contestants a little better–through their interactions with Jessie. My pre-season impression of Kevin was bad, but he was actually funny Thursday, not just one of those contestants who’s convinced s/he’s hysterical. Sunday, he totally won me over by saying, simply, “Oh my god, I hate Jessie.”

Natalie gave Jessie an awesome amount of shit, but also aligned with him. “Who lost season? And wait, who won to get him in this season?” she taunted him. Jessie was thrilled, calling her a “baller” and saying, “I just see a lot of my attributes in her in being so direct and saying it how it is and like not really caring.” Coherence level dropping!

Laura tried to interact with Jessie, but got nothing back, which isn’t a surprise, because I think he may be convinced her breasts are muscles and thus is bewildered that someone was able to get their pecs that big. Russell told Jessie, “I think we’re the same person,” and then injected himself with something and turned into Abomination.

Some remain blank slates, like Braden, although I think blank slate may just describe him. He summarized The Secret for us and later referred to “the gods” speaking. At least he amusingly painted his nipples in glow-in-the-dark green paint for the neon challenge, which was actually decent. It didn’t quite play well on TV as a competition, because it was hard to follow their exact progress as they connected pieces of pipe, but it was a mess of pretty, glowing colors. If only Jessie had painted his whole body green.

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