After a dramatic season of The Real Housewives, it was a pretty boring two-hour reunion, even though Tuesday’s was the franchise’s most-watched reunion. The last half-hour was the most dramatic and interesting, since that’s when the season’s biggest conflict finally came up–along with a new mystery accusation against Danielle that she has attempted to explain online.
Host Andy Cohen probably did the best job hosting this reunion that he’s ever done, because although he did his “I’m bored” “okay, okay, okay” thing in the first hour, and asked some dumb questions (he is Andy Cohen, after all), he managed to ask follow-ups and probing questions. He was best with Danielle, asking her specific questions and even told her “you’re ducking” during the book argument. “What do you know that I don’t know,” he asked Caroline at one point, and suddenly uncovered a big mystery. That was also his biggest failure, though, because instead of forcing the women to address the mystery controversy, he just ended the reunion.
First, in hour one, which aired Tuesday and was Bravo’s highest-rated Housewives reunion ever, Andy Cohen brought up but then interrupted the conversation about the table-flipping dinner, likely because they planned to stretch the reunion to two hours and didn’t want to start with the good stuff. Instead, they talked about things like Theresa’s husband use of the word “gay” as a pejorative term. She said her husband is gay-friendly and felt bad after watching the episode, yet insisted repeatedly using “gay” in that way is “just a figure of speech” (um, yes, but one that is used to denote something negative because being gay has negative connotations to some people). Of course, I can’t imagine someone who uses the words “cleansy” and “cleansiness” to understand the nuances of language.
Also in the first hour, Caroline responded in her aggressive defend-family-at-all-costs way to accusations that her family is mafia affiliated. “I take tremendous offensive to that,” saying her father in law was murdered, apparently by the mob. Then Caroline threatened to physically harm anyone who suggests otherwise: “I am small but I am scrappy, and you don’t want to mess with me. And I am ready. … I will go head to head to head and toe to toe with anybody that would like to challenge me to say that my husband and his family are involved in organized crime.”
Halfway through the second hour, Andy Cohen brought out the book, and Danielle first said, “I will not discuss any of that,” and then changed her mind, saying she’d address some of it–but not the part about dating a drug dealer. “Nobody in their right mind ever would” talk about that, she said, but then added, “wait for the book; I have a book.” Okay. I guess she’s practicing for her possible life as a politician by being evasive and self-promoting at the same time.
During that final half-hour, Danielle wavered between annoying and sympathetic, coherent and incoherent. She was even self-deprecating at one point, when Andy Cohen asked her about the book’s claims that she was a paid escort (“no”), had “serious cocaine problem” (“no … I liked pot”), or was a “raging nymphomaniac” (“I think I’ve proven that part might be a little bit true”). That’s a great response.
In her most emotional moment, Danielle said, “I was raped by the age of eight by a family member. … I was brutalized.” Crying, she continued, “I can’t apologize for things that happened to me since I was a baby, I can’t. I mean, you’re all so blessed to have such wonderful families, and I’m really happy for you, and one day you might just see my heart and see that I wasn’t so lucky to have that, and this is me just sitting here telling you, you’re really all blessed. And I just want you to know me, the real me.”
Later, she kind of apologized, I guess, for her behavior and said she was in a bad place, and everyone except Caroline seemed okay with that. Caroline was pissed about something, and Dina tried to explain that Danielle “approached someone to do something to me,” which sounded ominous, although she said she’d forgiven Danielle. Caroline, however, had not. “What you did is so disgraceful, and you know what you did, and you can sit there and you can make believe that you are just so forgiving … I am not buying it,” Caroline told Danielle, breaking down. “I will not bring it up because she asked me not to,” Caroline said, meaning Dina, and then continued toward Danielle: “But what you did, you are garbage, and you are disgraceful,” and said, “we all know what it is.”
But Danielle said she didn’t, and we sure as hell did not. Later, she used her BravoTV.com blog to tell us what she thinks that big secret is:
“I only found out later what she was talking about, from someone in her own family. I simply gave a phone number to her ex brother-in-law to contact proper people with questions that he had concerning something that was absolutely none of my business. I was asked to give this information to him. If I had to do it again, I would have declined and preferred not to get involved. But I think my minimal involvement did not justify Caroline’s behavior towards me. How dare they still sit in judgment of ME? There is only one God, and I don’t see God in their eyes. I can only hope God is in their hearts.”
Okay, what? That’s totally not even close to cleared up, not that I expected otherwise. I guess we’ll have to wait for season two.