Reunion host Andy Cohen tells arguing Real Housewives to “talk about it at lunch”

Not that we needed further evidence as to why Andy Cohen is pretty much the shittiest reality show reunion host ever, but we got more last night when he interrupted the most dramatic, most awesome conflict of The Real Housewives of New York City reunion’s first hour by a) looking bored and asking the crew if they were changing tapes, and b) suggesting that Ramona “talk about it at lunch.” What?!

The good news is the reunion–taped in an epic and impressive space in New York that had acoustics that caused every shriek to reverberate–continues Thursday at 9 p.m. ET, when it looks like the women get even crazier.

While Mr. BravoTV.com impressively laid off of shilling his own network’s web site (this time), he had the gall to tell the women producers received “a lot of e.mails complaining you were shilling your products.” What?! Shilling products is what Bravo has perfected, issuing a press release just last month bragging that it was “continuing the extension of the Bravo brand beyond the television screen and directly into the viewer’s environment” through “deals with major retailers.”

Anyway, here’s what we learned during part one, in-between accusations, shifting alliances, and the always delusional behavior:

Jill: Had her breasts reduced. Threatened to send America into a depression by saying that if us poor people make rich people “feel guilty” about money, she’ll “stop spending it.” Jill also had a high moment by defending her friend Bethenny against Ramona’s attacks by saying Ramona was “kicking a horse when they’re down.”

Ramona: Has not had her eyes reduced. She revealed fascinating facts such as, “I can’t even remember my age sometimes” and “I don’t want to eat in Brooklyn.” She also asked Alex if Simon “abuse[s] you emotionally or physically,” and asked Andy Cohen, “You want to write my blog?”, clearly an inadvertent slip-up that revealed she’d never read his blog before. She did confess that her now-deceased parents relationship–her dad was abusive toward her mom–shaped who she is and how she behaves, and things got really real really fast.

Bethenny: Admitted to having her breasts lifted. Was criticized by Alex for being two-faced (“I want to hear it face-to-face”) and complimented by Kelly even as Kelly attacked her (“You’re a fox. Are you delusional?”). Cried about Ramona’s blog post about her.

LuAnn: Discussed her separation from the count and was accused of “pretending” to still have a healthy relationship by Ramona, who said “all of us were getting frustrated” because “we all knew” LuAnn was having relationship issues. Will remain a classless countess with a book to sell.

Kelly: Reminded us that she is not Kelly Bensimon but Kelly KILLOREN Bensimon. Cried about her assault arrest and denied anything happened but also said, “I would never touch anyone unless I had to.” She also said, “Do I ever want to talk about it again? No,” and then she talked about it.

Alex: Lost her job, used the reunion to sell her new consulting work and her new book, and effectively smacked down the other women when they criticized her “rambunctious” boys, pointing out that the other women were rarely around her boys and that her sons “know to not say nasty things about other people.”

Andy Cohen: Still a tool.

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about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.