Coach’s warrior alliance crumbles as his general gets blindsided

Not until it happened did I realize there was something I wanted to see more than Coach getting voted out of Survivor Tocantins, but there was: the expression on Ben Wade’s face when he realized Tyson had been voted out and his warrior alliance was crushed.

Tyson Apostol‘s blindside was easily the best Tribal Council moment all season, if not the best one since naive Erik gave up his immunity and the women voted him out, which happened just under a year ago. And it came just in time, when Survivor Tocantins was in danger of dragging and being held up only by epic aerial shots filmed from the chopper of Benjamin “Coach” Wade doing his morning wading and splashing around in the water.

I also never expected to be glad to see Sierra stay in the game, since I was thrilled when she was fake voted out minutes into the game. At Tribal Council, Sierra got into a juvenile fight with Tyson, and also said, “no one’s blindsiding me here tonight.” But she seemed more surprised to be staying than Tyson was that he was leaving.

The best part of all of this is that we have Ben Wade around for at least one more episode, so I can’t wait to watch him freak out in his totally calm, zen-like way and scramble for his life in the game while trying to take credit for everything that happened. As the preview showed, he gets so desperate he tries to align himself with Sierra, asking her in the preview about her “loyalty” immediately after trying to vote her out. What an assclown.

But he’s still hysterical, in an entirely frustrating sort of way. Before JT, Stephen, Taj, and Erinn all voted Tyson out, Coach told JT, “It would be fucking stupid if we made an alliance, gave it a name, bandied the name about, talked about ourselves being warriors, and then chickened out at the last second.” Actually, it was just stupid that you talked about yourself being a warrior.

Speaking of, Jeff Probst has clearly tired of Coach, calling out Coach on his hypocrisy at Tribal Council by pointing out that he voted out Brendan despite insisting that he wanted to battle the strong at the end. Probst also ridiculed him at the reward challenge, saying, “Coach, you continue to lose out on these nice rewards. All that life experience not helping you out out here.” Coach then opted out of the (amazingly dramatic, rainy) immunity challenge, eating pizza instead of participating, because you can’t lose if you don’t try. That’s what warriors do: quit while you’re ahead.

Meanwhile, at the reward, the show’s editors blurred out a Brazilian man’s bulge: as wide shots revealed, his white pants were tight and left little to the imagination, so when his crotch was in close-ups, his penis pressing against the fabric of his white shorts got blurred.

Last season, they showed a penis danging outside someone’s pants, and they’ve also shown Coach all season with no blurring at all, so the editors and CBS are clearly selective about which dicks they censor.

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about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.