Octomom’s babies will appear on Jon & Kate Plus 8

This satirical, fictional story is part of the April 1, 2009, edition of reality blurred.

The Octomom’s eight children will appear on Jon & Kate Plus 8 when the show returns next month. TLC, which previously rejected a show starring the Octomom by herself because she lacks a husband to berate on camera, said in a statement they decided to include the octuplets in their popular docudrama because “no one knows better how to take advantage of kids than the Gosselins,” The network will broadcast the show as Jon & Kate Plus 16 during its “Contraception-Free Mondays.”

Sources said the Octomom has essentially rented her eight new babies to Jon and Kate Gosselin for use during the next season of their show, and Jon and Kate reportedly plan to pay for the babies with the money saved by using coupons for Arby’s and Sonic that inexplicably appear nearly daily in their mailbox at their multimillion dollar mansion.

They will tell the eight babies apart by having corporate sponsors’ logos tattooed to each baby’s forehead. A friend of Jon’s said that “Jon objected to the tattoos, as any father would, and he felt so strongly about it he refused to say anything to Kate about it and instead wrote her a note on the wall with laundry detergent that would be visible to Kate whenever she bought a blacklight and illuminated that space. He then slipped into a walking coma in protest.”

A source close to the Octomom said she was inspired to rent the babies “because who has time to take care of all those kids when you’re trying to negotiate deals and appearing in the media to talk about them?”

Jon and Kate’s contract also includes an option to rent her other children, and 24/7 webcam surveillance on the Octomom’s vagina, in case another baby or 12 should tumble out.

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In an era of Tinder and Grindr, instant acceptance or dismissal of a potential partner, or instant sex with another body, Married at First Sight offers the thrill of watching strangers deal with the very basics of relationships.

Beyond the headline-grabbing premise, the series has turned out to be a stripped-down, authentic exploration of something very interesting. Read the full review.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.