Ass fat Fast Forward plus cow ass Detour leaves one team way behind in Kazakhstan

While there was not another challenge worthy of the dye-in-the-face Roadblock from last week’s episode, The Amazing Race‘s trip to Kazakhstan offered some great moments thanks to the ass end of two animals.

  • Starr and Dallas continued to flirt, which is to say they started arguing about their flirting (“You didn’t make any eye contact with me in L.A., though,” Starr said). Dallas now faces a conflict: the race or his penis. “I want to be able to help out Nick and Starr as much as possible–especially Starr–but I also want to win a million dollars,” he said. “If I win the million, at least I’ll be able to pay for dinner.”
  • Upon learning that they were traveling to Kazakhstan, one of the frat boys declared, “Kazakhstan baby–Borat!” Later, Dan criticized its people, saying “these are horrible people” and asking “What’s wrong with people here? They’re like zombies!”–all because they wouldn’t give him directions in English. Let’s see, you associate an entire country with an admittedly hysterical satirical film that essentially defamed an entire country, and then show up to race through that country in search of a million dollars, and are surprised when the Kazakh- and Russian-speaking people won’t read your English language clue and give you directions after you shout at them from the window of a truck? What assholes!
  • As Nick and Starr, and Dallas and Toni worked on getting tickets at the airport, Nick teased Toni and gave her a playflul slap on the arm. Perhaps he’s feeling left out or jealous, and we’ll soon see the first-ever four-way, team-on-team romance.
  • In his efforts to communicate, Dan made a chicken noise, and said, “Sometimes, you gotta make noises.” Using that logic, I was expecting him to introduce himself by farting.
  • Phil seems to be getting increasingly corny, using over-the-top puns in his descriptions. Maybe he’s always been this way and I’ve just blocked it out. In any case, when he says things like “a close encounter of the bird kind” to describe a Roadblock’s search for golden eggs in a chicken factory, he does always lift his eyebrow or otherwise communicate that he knows how ridiculous it is.
  • Nick and Starr, and Terence and Sarah, all raced to the Fast Forward. “This is what the race is about: taking a chance and going for it,” Terence said–but that was before he discovered that they had to eat a dish in which “the main ingredient is the fat from a rear end of a sheep,” as Phil explained. Vegetarian Terence declared “frickin’ meat!” but said “the only way to win the million was to go for it.”
  • Terence went for it by choking down a mouthful and then essentially staring at his plate, so Nick and Starr easily beat them, as they ate their ass fat fast.
  • I suspect last night’s episode is one of those where there was an entire challenge we missed–or else there was just a series of super-random tasks that Phil didn’t provide any cultural context for: After finding the golden egg, teams had to search the grounds of the chicken factory to find crane trucks (!), and drive in those (why?) to a mountain, where they found Mongol warriors (no explanation), and wait for their clue to be delivered by a falcon. That whole segment was like The Amazing Race‘s version of an acid trip.
  • Dressing in a cow costume with Tina, Ken said, “Guess what half I am?” If there was any justice in this world, their costume would have had no head and two asses.
  • Nick and Starr checked in first, and Phil told them, “each of you has won a 180 horsepower wave runner–and you can enjoy that after the race.” They don’t get to travel the rest of the way on the wave runners?
  • Dallas told his mom, “Wag the tail. Be a good ass!” Leaving that one alone.
  • Dan, who’s increasingly becoming a control freak, insisted that “there’s probably physics behind” putting Andrew, the “bigger guy,” in the back of the cow costume. Somewhere, a physicist who studies overweight frat boys dressed in animal costumes felt vindicated.
  • Here’s what Phil told Andrew and Dan, who were arguing about everything including which one of them was the most patient, at the mat: “Andrew and Dan, you’re the fourth team to arrive. However, you have not read your clue correctly.” They had to go back and re-complete the task. Still, that wasn’t enough time to allow Terence and Sarah to catch up, so the bickering couple was eliminated. Terence and Sarah, I mean.

Surprisingly, man not eaten alive on Eaten Alive

Eaten Alive

Discovery Channel’s happy family holiday special Eaten Alive aired Sunday, rewarding viewers for their two full hours of viewing by ensuring that they spent quality time in the company of others instead of wasting that time doing something else that might not have been as satisfying, such as buying things that have labels which accurately reflect their contents.


Winter 2015 reality TV debut schedule

winter 2015 reality TV schedule

Mark your calendars with all these upcoming reality TV show debuts, including Celebrity Apprentice, The Bachelor, and another season of MasterChef Junior, all of which kick off in early January.

There are also 20+ shows debuting in December--including the one-off return of The Sing Off. No winter break for reality TV.

about the writer

Andy Dehnart is a journalist who has covered reality television for more than 15 years and created reality blurred in 2000. A member of the Television Critics Association, his writing and criticism about television, culture, and media has appeared on NPR and in Playboy, Buzzfeed, and many other publications. Andy, 36, also directs the journalism program at Stetson University in Florida, where he teaches creative nonfiction and journalism. He has an M.F.A. in nonfiction writing and literature from Bennington College. More about reality blurred and Andy.